Monday

I was just thinking

I would like to be a supervillain.  I could live on a very large luxury yacht called The Nemesis.  I would taunt big white blond christian heroes (who I secretly admired).  I would go from port to port - as I desired.  After docking the yacht I would seek out the local aforementioned hero.  I would repeat everything he said in a fey tone.  Yes I would be the dreaded NECROMINCER.  Once he was a sniveling lump on the floor I would have the hot sexes with him, and then break his heart by sailing off. For no mere hero can tame the wild NECROMINCER.  Having a bit of trouble with the outfit.  I was thinking D&G but I look fantastic in Hugo Boss. Anyway, if you are the big humpy blonde hero type - gird thy loins!   kabukui bye-bye

Sunday


LEAPIN' LORDS !

This is my Christmas card for 2009.  Unfortunately my holidays were ruined, and I was unable to post it to my many loved ones (three).  As part of my green christmas pact I printed this on postcard stock.   Stick it on the fridge.  If kabuki won't keep you from snacking, last year's tree certainly should.  How gauche.  This year I used the same tree (green christmas - remember) but I used mostly silver balls(matte, gloss etc)  with silver beadchain for garland and white lights.  Just a few small balls in shades of purple to honor my dear mother.  So don't start, and that leopard print fur jacket screams holiday.  Well it screams.  How many of you matched your wig to your christmas balls (look at tree).  Isn't it funny there is never a Jehovahs' Witness knocking at the door when you are primed?  I would have showed them heaven, by cracky!

I go on.  I was destailing my latest film idea to Felix.  I know he won't steal my ideas - because I would fill his lingerie drawer with scorpions.  Nothing says pissed like a drawer full of scorpions.  A basket of snakes is cute - albeit a tad overdone. I go on.  A young man runs away from home.  To punish his parents he decides to become a devil worshipper.  While headed to the local satanic-devil worshipping niteclub he makes a wrong turn and ends up in a drag bar.  The drag mother tells him that devil worship is nice but if he wants to twist his parents' nipples he should consider putting on a dress.  You can bet he does, and a legend is born.  Working title 'HAIL SATIN'.  Are you smellin what I'm cookin?  I go on.  Is hollwood ready for the creative beacon that is me?  Of course not - true genius is rarely recognised in its own time.  And that is why I am planning on living forever.  Eternal life - once again on my christmas list - once again denied.  If you are not going to get what you ask for you might as well shoot the moon.  I am sure you agree.  My relatives wouldn't even know where to shop to get me something nice.  My very dear lesbian friend asked me 'Just how many cashmere sweaters do you need?  I was not expecting a pop quiz so I was not prepared.  Certainly more than she has, because that would be none.  I go on.  In a thrift store in Virginia the cashier rung up my purchase - a steel blue v-neck cashmere sweater made in scotland.  It was $5.00 and she stage whispered to me that I could get a brand new sweater at Old Navy for about the same price.  I told her the sweater in my hand (green shopping) was certainly a couple of hundred dollars new.  She told me she did not own a couple of hundred dollars worth of clothes.  Like it was a good thing.  I almost cried the entire way home, but instead I just clutched my prize to my bosom.  And that is what Christmas means to me.  I think.  So in the full spirit of giving, I go on no more lest one of us gets a headache.
Spiritually bosom clutching - kabuki


Friday

the artistry of the over-talented re-post

Looking for backers for my new movie. Its a 'star trek meets shakespeare' tale of love and betrayal. I call it "Romulan and Juliet". No good? How about a "Wizard of Oz" remake with ben affleck (lion), matt damon (scarecrow), ian bagg(tin man) and steve martin (the wizard). Who would play dorothy? who cares - with that cast you could have a baloney sandwich play dorothy.  I am available for re-writes and such .

more talent than i need - kabuki zero
ps hey bagg - you owe me now. i could have said dane cook.

the violet sky re-post

working on my sitcom. tenatively 'the violet sky'. set in the future it features our star - kabuki zero. fresh out of interplanetary nursing school our star signs onto a travelling starship hospital looking for excitement and romance out among the heavens. Trouble is, kabuki accidentally signed on board a mental starship hospital  - travelling the cosmos while picking up and restraining all manner of sentient beings- albeit they are all crazy. Penned from a decidedly 'non-human' perspective, it offers fresh ideas and life-lessons to a jaded reality-schmaltz audience. And if you pirate my idea i shall track you down and pee in your house.

freshness - like the outdoors - kabuki zero

solving the worlds’ problems (in my spare time) re-post

I thought I might sit down and watch a few cartoons.  Why not and solve the problems of the world?  While eating a peanut butter & strawberry jam sandwich which I washed down with hot chocolate laden with mini-marshmallows (the big ones are so crass).

Anyway, heres what you do:

Line both sides of the african continent with desalination stations, which will pump water to the drought stricken interior WHILE simultaneously eliminating the problem of rising tides due to global warming.

you are welcome - kabuki zero

ps A Nobel prize would be lovely, but really - a nice dark blue porsche will do just fine.

Haiku to you too re-post

haiku - unrhymed Japanes poem recording the essence of a keenly perceived moment in which nature is linked to human nature.
usually consisting of 17 sounds (jion)

I found my book of haiku last night. I had stopped writing in it years ago. Or so I thought. It had more entries than I remembered. In my hand, and obviously of my mind. I do hope you don't mind if i share.

with your hand in mine
our love will last the ages
like the morning sky

caught in a bad dream
a nightmare and i'm awake
my time slips away

a world of shadows
a dark universe of pain
like a stillborn child

i am afraid of
invisible gorillas
echoes of my past

i have also developed my own form - kabuku - consisting of increasing sounds

time flies
beauty dies
nobody cries
everybody lies

old friends long gone
not dead but forgotten
how sad are we how cruel are they

i am still - kabuki zero

Are you thinking of me as well - repost

A bit of shameless self-promotion, available only thru kabuki.store.makebelieve.  A must have for all music aficionados. From the same people who brought you 'Katherine Hepburn sings Tina Turner' – ("steamy windows" is unforgettable), we are pleased to announce 'Bette Davis sings The Police'. Yes, me too. I cried when I heard "Driven to Tears', and "Roxanne" will have you longing for the days of self-indulgent drinking and drug use. If you have given them up I mean. The drinking and drug use. Otherwise it's just another day for you. sad

While on the subject - which I rarely am, I had a little self-indulgent reality-altering inbiding of holiday spirits yesterday. Purely medicinal y'know Anyway I pretended that I was world famous socialite and drag-queen Miss Cheesecake Glamoure. Entertainment is Cheesecake's bread and butter, if you will. And you can call her 'cakes'. And it was fun. If you thought I was all business - no play - well, then you are an idiot. And I do not suffer idiots gladly. I actually get just a little whiny, and somewhat needy. Why? Why let the idiots of the world bother us? Attention: ALL IDIOTS. STOP READING THIS. I SEE YOU. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

that should shake them up a little

Kabuki Zero

The Kabuki Conundrum re-post (october 2008)

I have been away so long dear readers, I don't know how you survived. That is, if you survived. If you are dead - please do not respond. October is creepy enough without kudos from the departed. What have I been doing? What indeed! I have been working on my cold fusion device - because I am not prepared for another cold winter. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy a particle accelerator from Ebay. They are all junk. I was ankle deep in nuetrons, my vacuum cleaner was for shit, I just sprayed Febreeze and hoped for the best. But enough science - on to meatier matters. This Halloween - what's in, who is hot, etc. Let kabuki zero be your guide. Single costume - CHARO. Old School, but still entertaining. Couples' costume Dr. G and Corpse. Don't be afraid to hack off a body part or two - it is Halloween after all. Group costume - Lindsay Lohan - try to represent all ages. I personally adore 'lindsay at 50'. Anyway - stay true to your heart - thats' what is important. That and blindly following my directions. Because I know things. I have seen things. I could tell you things. And unforutnately - then I would have to kill you.

Be back soon Kabuki Zero.

I fell off the grid and bumped my head re-post (july 2008)

I have been away far too long. My bad. I have been putting a lot of effort into getting a life. Not sure why - but I can't stand the status quo. Kabuki needs cheddar and lots of it, to keep it real. I got needs. And so very few people step up, it could give one social anxiety.

Anyway, couple of things on my mind. One - watched ballroom dance finals. Exquisite, and then it became apparent that it was rigged. The only couple that fucked up won. Won't be watching that again. Caught Miss Universe - didya see the mangoes on Miss Venezuela? Good for her.

I am probably going to attack a home again. Paint, paper, the works. Watched some home improvement shows. Am I the only one aware? What they do, and for god's sake if they show up at your place - DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR! What they do is give you DRAMATIC CHANGE. If you have minimalist stylings with perhaps, a zen garden - they rip the whole thing out and replace with eclectic circus-tent & carnival themes in primary colors. If you have a mish-mosh blending of interesting items - into the bin they go, you end up with brushed aluminum 30's industrial. I don't know why people - I mean victims - don't throw up and then drop dead. Contemplate the months of work necessary to remove the hideous affront the have forced upon you. Plus all your jealous neighbors just laugh their asses off while lying to the camera. "Nice, I am sure Helen will just love a primitive bathroom/kitchenette. That professional stainless stuff she had was for the birds. She had it put in months ago." Thank goodness I am heavily armed. Because miss perky fake-boobs and her annoying gay partner will show up when least expected. You step out the the store - bango - your front yard is now a rococo salute to Klaus Nomi. Why don't these tv personalities go and get real jobs. I guess we just don't need that many waiters.
Oh well - now I have bored myself into a stupor. Remain vigilant - we may yet see land before we succumb to madness. Kabuki zero

Another year can bite Kabuki’s snow white ass re-post (may 2008)

hello kittens. kabuki had another freakin' birthday. Time has NO hold on kabuki, although gravity is an evil taskmaster. My two bestest friends came up to chez mois, and we partaked of this fair citys entertainment meccas. Of course, first we went to goodwill - with a carfull of delicious gifts for the poor and tired. Dropped the goods off in the back, then swing around to the front for SHOPPING. I bought a hideous silver-plated shrimp platter. I had to buy it, because I already had one. Where a hideous shrimp dish is tacky, two are sublime. Figure it out on your own time. After successfull shopping (somebody else paid), I returned to the Cathedral (my ancestral mobile home), borrowed a big-ass truck(Ford f-250 superduty) and filled it with belongings which no longer pleased me. And off to the dump. I had never been to a dump before, and I dare say I won't dash back. Absolutely nothing going on. I mean a couple of people were throwing things away, but it's not like I was going to leave the dump with their stuff. Because people will talk. And then they would have to die. And I have seen entirely to much prison on CNBC (their schedule is predator, predator, prison, prison, prison and repeat). So if I killed all those people whose talked about me (and it would be LOTS of people - because I am popular), I would have to flee the country - and hide out abroad. Which would never work. I always have a 32 oz glass filled with ice, and a beverage of choice. And what country would be able to supply kabuki's ice requirements? Monaco maybe, and even then only temporarily. Kuala Lumpur? Not even. So here lies the predicament. You can't even kill the people that talk about you. Bad karma. But you can imagine them in uncomfortable situations, they can't take that from you. Often I cast my gaze around the food court of my local mall, and the song in my head is 'heat rash, cold sore, hangnail'. And while I may later regret such imaginations (i won't), no harm was done. At least to me. On my birthday. Like a card would have killed you. If you suffer bad hair do not blame me, because I did not go there. But I will go to my happy place, and send much hot sexy love your way. So go wait by the mailbox.

  surely not any wiser  kabuki zero



Are you down with OCD? (go wash your hands) repost (may 2008)

I have missed you, have you missed me? Where the fuck are the flowers? Suppose I had been ill - wouldn't you feel awful? No? You heartless heathen bastard! I am slightly unwell, tired, rundown, bloated, achy, itchy and scratchy. Talk about your seven dwarfs - ha! Even in the face of misfortune, I have just enough strength to see the funny.

My gal pal went to a rock concert where a drunk guy in a wheel chair picked a fight with somebody. Later he went crowd-surfing STILL IN HIS CHAIR. She has pictures. I think I speak for everyone when I say ' That is my kind of drunk, handicapped concert-goer. I think we could all learn a little from this man. If we only had the time. Sad. New favorite drag name - Dusty Nebula - saw it on the science channel. Porn Star - Rocky Outcropping. Favorite tv show - Valley Girl P.D. 'Hello Tiffany, this is Jennifer - over'. 'Tiffany, please respond - over'. 'This is HQ, Tiffany speaking - over'. 'Over Over Over - I am sooo over, Jennifer - over'. 'Tiffany, this is Jennifer - over'. 'I know that Jennifer, Tiffany - over'. A couple half-hours of that and television will be once again the stellar beacon of honesty and humor that we all so fondly remember. I require no thanks, you quiet adoartion is payment enough.

Now, try and finish the song I started for you "are you down with OCD". I was singing it to a very obsessive friend of mine, he pretended not to kow what OCD stood for. Yeah - maybe he's not the poster child, but he lives near him. A roommate of long ago could not tolerate the coffee table ashtray being askew. It had to square-up with the edges of the table. I felt that was a gift from heaven. Just a little nudge, and wait for the veins to pop-out on his neck. Living with others can be so entertaining. And such a joy for them. I don't know why I ever moved, all my roommates adored me. Still do, although is a quiet, introspective way. Doesn't matter - I can feel their love through the veil of their fake dislike. I mean really, who could dislike kabuki zero? I've known me the longest, and I worship myself. Just to save others the work. As a caring giver, what could I do. That is why I so often solicit gifts, presents, cash, jewelry, cars. You are provided the opportunity to 'give-back', as it were. And I do it all for love. No, I do it all for you. Of course, to me you are love. In a stay-over-there kinda of way.

Can you believe that I can go on like this for hours? I know, I was amazed as well. Lets bring it back to earth. You probably wondered 'what did kabuki do today?' So I shall give you a glimpse.
11:30 am I am awakened by the lovely squawking of the little birdies in the living room. I uncover them. Let the dog out. Fistful of Prozac, 32oz iced tea, bagel w/ cream cheese. couple ginger snaps. Check my email, my ebay, my phone, my cell-phone.
feed the birdies, doggie gets a bone, open the windows, then kinda fade out for awhile. Quite common in fibromyalgia, they call it 'the fog'.
3:00 eat a hamburger, make sun tea, take out the trash. feed the pigeons in the back yard. take some snapshots of my yard, trees, cars, and such. watch a little 'dr. phil', whom i do not care for. (Know your enemy). What a sanctimonius prig.
4:00 Get the mail, make some phone calls. Surf a little net. Go unload the car. I have been given a box of craft supplies that belonged to my mother. I hope to sell some of the supplies on eBay. The box weighs tons. I, ever curious, investigate. This enormous box is filled with : sequins, beads, jewelry settings, pieces of wire, rhinestones, polished rocks (my mother loved rocks, i do not know why). All very interesting. And then, then motherlode. In the bottom of the box are pieces of jewelry from the 70's. All handmade. All hideous, I am talking macrame, beaded keychains, cracked marbles, and the entire worlds' supply of clip-on earring blanks. I am talking hundreds. Also screw-back earring blanks. Perhaps mom was going to corner the market on hand-made earrings for the non-pierced set, who can say.
6:00 a steak on the grill, small portion of mashed potatoes, a side salad. Pineapple slices and grapes for dessert.
8:00 after dinner I removed the racing gas-tank, springs and shocks I still had in the back of the car. More ebay delights. If you should require a clip-on earring with a cracked-marble glued on, or a set of shocks to lower your pick-up truck - well please holla.

Thats all for now my pretties, next time - fostering a one-eyed quaker parrot and dissecting a ZenV mp3 player.  abiento - kabuki zero

losing my religion (repost 2008)

The Pope is in town. Of course he called, and we hung out (a little). Gone are the golden days of my youth, and the 'fun' pope. I remember it was me, Cyndi Lauper and Pope John. We were in Borneo for a little r&r. Don't believe what you hear, Cyndi Lauper can drink like a fish. The Pope was holding his own. We were all ripped and crackin' on Nancy Reagan - laugh till I thought I was gonna die. Yes, we all took turns wearing the hat. Pope was a stitch, tried on Cyndi's shoes (she is always taking them off), did the PeeWee big shoe dance. Anyway, good times. Thats all I'm saying. Offered to drop a word at Trattu, but Pope was deadset on Cafe Milano. eech. Haven't been there since I told off the 'hostess' (rhymes with slut).

So, here is my thoughts on reviving the Catholic Church. First, 'Pope on a stick' - a little puppet pope - gets the kiddies involved. Second - 'Pope-Pourri' for the soccer Moms and their SUVs. 2 scents - heavenly or divine. Third, make your own Pope hat. And if that doesn't do it, well I'm afraid they will just have to suffer. I believe Goddess Judy Tenuda said it best "I'm just looking for a man to whom I can confess, I'm just looking for a cowboy in a long white silky dress".

i would pray for you all - but thats so invasive.the very right Kabuki zero

i would die for you - just not right away - kinda busy livin (repost from april 2008)

I just realised it has been a year since i almost expired, (so true, are you teary-eyed yet?) just like a half-gallon of milk. Only i didn't get all curdly and smell bad. (i hope) So dear reader - i have tossed off my melancholy, and am ready to kick lifes' ass. Put a prince cd in the boombox, hand me something wet (in a glass, please) and step back. Or step off, just move out of the way. Cuz if you don't - there will be serious windburns on your ass. I said ass twice already, must be ass season. and don't make me break my foot off in your ass. especially if i am wearing my silver snake-skin cha-cha pumps. Big sunglasses, i got 'em. notice the use of the capital letter B, that is to add emphasis to my sentence. see how i start and end with or with punctuation, just like i wanna. controversial, thats what i am. Now if somebody would get off their ass and find me a MAN i would consider a monthly stipend for your services. I might not even keep him and I promise to be gentle. Maybe you should get man insurance - just in case. Accidents do happen out here in the country, and i would be crushed if a badger ate the MAN you lent me. We would speak of it only once. And i would never fly a kite again. as a way to honor him. even if he wasn't killed by a kite. As a matter of fact - i vow to never fly a kite - now - at this moment in time. To future honor the memory of the man you might lend me, who probably wouldn't get eaten by a badger. You don't find this kind of compassion in the young, it is reserved for us aged souls. And honey, my soul is as aged as i ever imagined it could be. Like a fine pamesian cheese. i am far older than i thought was possible (gene pool is fetid) so its all gravy from here. Only i don't like gravy, and it should be something i like. OK - its all ice cream - no, lactose intolerant - OK its all brownies and something else good (to be decided later). I don't know whats up with all the food analogies - maybe i am peckish. a gnosh is in my immediate future. i made rice krispy squares earlier. And i made them in a round pan. tell somebody, i don't even care. because i love you, and you love them, and we all love ourselves (maybe a little too much) and if you hurry there is still time to fit a little joy into today. Make some rice krispy squares, i dare you. fit some fun into your life, because you may not be able to later. Oh, and find me that man too. Much loves to you from me. kabuki zero

its’ back (re-post from april 2008)

my pain is back. my fatigue is back. my brain-fuzz is back. I swore that i would not go back there again. So many of the things i dislike are occurring, and so few of the things i desire are coming to fruition. i refuse to be despondent - but christ-almighty i am experiencing one hell of a beat-down. i think its made all the worse by my seclusion. Chosen or thrust upon me, my life is an extremely solo event. eech! party of one - coming right at cha. Am i melancholy because of this dreadful season, or am i just a turd in the pool? eww! On the upside, i no longer fear much of anything. If the devil shows up - i am kicking his sorry ass to the curb. Be more than happy to go hunt down Osama and set his turban on fire. Sit cheney down in a chair and let me expouse my views on gasoline prices. Or - and now its on - let me get my hands around the throats of the morons who keep fucking up my cartoon channel 'adult swim' programming.

The happiest of all holiday wishes to anyone on the planet who would enjoy such a thing.


what more can i say?