Wednesday

I'd like to teach the world to sing

greetings from me & mine to you & yours.  Spring is upon us like a cheap cologne, and kabuki can once again hear the murmurings.  To be loved is divine, and better yet to be loved from afar. Makes cleanup a breeze - if you get my drift.  Yet I feel Iwould be remiss if kabuki did not address the question asked every spring. "May we please erect a monument in your honor?"  Well- if wouldn't be the first thing kabuki had erected- if you see where I'm going.  I know your love for kabuki is endless - like a Glen Beck show, but without the stupidity.  Are you smelling what kabuki is cooking.  I realize the need to give back, to honor, to make substantial offerings to the one that is moi.  How could you not?  I've known me longer,and I give myself prezzies frequently.  I just ate a glazed donut.  It was a gift. A delicious gift, and how could I refuse?  Kabuki is not wired that way. Are you picking up what kabuki is laying down?  How can I deny humanity?  What gives me the right to torment?  Where am I going with this message to the masses?  Let me explain it simply.  kabuki is both honored and humbled by this request.  But to allow such worship would allow some to feel more pleasure than others.  "I live near the kabuki statue, you do not.  you suck" Can you feel the shame, the emptiness - oh the humanity.  Plus I have no doubt that property values near my edifice would skyrocket, allowing only the Donald Trumps of the world access.  It's just so hard.  How to giveand give back simultaneously.  Fortunately kabuki has the brains to backup the looks. No thanks necessary - its just part of being a 'total  package'.  (and still single - what!)  kabuki  has the solutionto this, and many other problems.  All you need do is ask (ahem- Mr. President).  My answer -A park.  For the children.  Because kabuki cares. For the children.  Perhaps 20 acres or so.  In every city.  For the children.  Imagine. kabuki fields. forever.

Planet Kabuki - where dreams go to misbehave

Here we are again - You and I.  I had a dream last night.  My father was brandishing a large kitchen  knife.  For some reason it annoyed me greatly.  I told him I was gonna have him put away for a long time.  How terrible am I?  Of course, you never had to eat his cooking.  I'm just sayin.  Anyway, I was a little depressed today.  I had to run some errands, take the trash to the dump, other chores too horrible  to name. OK I'll tell you. I had to stand in a line, A QUEUE, in WALMART.  Please come and kill me. Me in line at WALMART. What if someone sees me. And the cashier even engaged in small talk.  "Do you have a bunny?" she asked as she rang up my bunny pellets. "You could say that" I replied.  What is it with people and talking?  Does kabuki give off 'friendly' vibes?  You know it buddy.  I am a freakin' friend to all mankind.  Little children smile, senile old geezers wax nostalgic when they see my spry steps.And the ladies love kabuki!  LL Cool k!  rap on you planetary sensation.
  On to better discussions. My hands hurt. Alot.  All the time.  My Doctor prescribed a pill for me.  It makes me hurt everywhere else.  So now I have a choice of where to hurt. Somebody is gonna get an ass beating. I might just cancel Christmas over this one.  SO heres how it goes. I have hand pain for several days - then I say FUCK IT, take my hand meds, wait for everything else to hurt. If I learn how to hold a weapon in my feet - well then its gonna get unpleasant.  Until then I may just frown alot.  It has been slow going as I move into my new kauki lounge.  I do not know why people flee when I move.  I relocate frequently - you think they would get used to it.  I can't help it if I have  heavy furniture.  Hit the gym a bit more often you sissies, and it won't be a problem.  Of course I can't carry a damn thing.  But I can supervise like a mad woman.  Thinking back, there are a lot of things I can do like a mad woman.  Maybe that can be the name of my one man show "Like A Mad Woman", an evening with kabuki zero.  I smell a cable series.  Everybody rush out and get HD Big Screens right now, because you will want this show to be life size or better.  That way when I tell people 'it's gonna be big', it will have the ring of  truth.  I  am counting on you, and I know you will come thru.  Also - some startup cash - just till I get the first 6 episodes in the bag.  Thanks in advance, love you long time, kabuki zero.

Tuesday

Extreme Sleep Sports

Two weeks late, and just a back view of an already seen photo.  What can possess me to be so bold, so heartless?  One brother in drug rehab, and another in ICU on life support.  My relatives will go to any extreme to avoid sending kabuki a birthday card. What a callous, selfish bunch!  And when I used my rewards card at  my pet store I naturally inquired about birthday booty.  "We don't do that anymore" they said.  "Why" I asked with tearsof disappointment burning my cheeks.  "We do other things, besides, its not just about your birthday" the evil storekeep stated.  I leaned over and whispered in his ear "that is where you are wrong. It is exactly about my birthday."  I stormed out, stopping only long enough to get the scarlet macaw screaming 'Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye!'  I do so love my work. 
Now as to my tardiness. I have been under the weather a tad.  Blame it onb the extremely beautiful spring days we have been having.  Nothing like sleeping away a lovely day.  Thank heavens I plan to live forever, so I canmake up the days I missed. Anyway - laying in my bed - ignoring the bird, who keeps saying "what are you doing?".  What a nosy creature, and if I give a smartass reply, I am sure it will repeat it in front of company.  Anyway - laying in my bed, watching the discovery channel - you are never to old to learn people - I came across a show deetailing my very symptoms. No doctor needed here, I have my answer.  DCI - decommpression illness.  The Bends.  I have never been diving in my life (it wreaks havoc on kabukis'makedup) , and yest there it its- my illness.  Logical answer - SLEEP DIVING!  I must have been craving that good old adrenalin rush, and my unconcious mind couldn't wait any longer.  Once again- people - I am on to something here. Rock climbing- ho hum!  But at night, in the dark, asleep, in your pajamas THATS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!  Sleep Hang Gliding - the wind buffeting your sleepy little face. Who is gonna wake up with a smile?  You and me - that's who.  But no bungee jumping - I may be asleep but I am not an idiot. I think.  Love to all - I strive to return to a daily adventure with you - my beloved blog beings.