Saturday

I am ARRIVED!!!!

with a 16 hour drive thru an arizona windstorm the kabuki child has arrived.  the only damge so far was a large round marble table top.  kabuki considers this to be a successful move.  strangely, it rained in the desert the very next day.  is mother nature looking for a fat lip?  kabuki does not play well with others, as a certain unpleasant yet unartrractive sales clerk named Bruce will atest.  Apparently Bruce is the reigning queen of the Palm Spring Home Depot Major Appliance Department.  kabuki will be shopping at Lowes, and hopes Bruce finds a new line of work soon.  I would suggest bullet-proof vest tester.  And her extremely fey and unappealing friends can help mop up the blood.  kabuki frowns upon unpleasant workplace behaviour, especially when she is in no mood.  enough about unpleasantness.  kabuki am arrived, you can see the pool from my bedroom and snow capped mountains from the drive.  stargazing under the carport was not succesful, but i do believe i gassed up the truck right next to Ted Nugent.  How exciting.  For him.  Seeing kabuki drive a Ford F350 16 foot box truck towing a car carrier holding the purple saturn station wagon of hope.  He'll probably write a song about it.  kabuki would, but really tries not to toot one's own horn.  At least in public.  Until soon, and next time - photos galore.  kissey booboo's, kabuki.

Tuesday

Anyone care for Desert?

Just a quick note to update the quivering masses.  On the extremely highway-like rt 40, currently stopped in Conway, AR.  Perhaps I'll meet some twitty-birds,you just never know.  Briefly - Tennessee - the good: Arby's urinal screens are emblazoned with Osama BinLadens' picture.  The bad :  kabuki saw the largest rebel flag ever, flying proudly over a business.  i am talking 12 feet wide, on a 100 foot pole.  kabuki was filled with disgust. Arkansas - the good: while driving next to fields of something kabuki was crop-dusted.  I watched the plane make a pass, bank left over the highway and head back.  kabuki pondered 'what are the chances it will pass directly over head?  And what would the odds be that said plane would open it's jets a teensy bit early?'  We know the answers, don't we fair readers?  kabuki + birds + wordly goods all crop dusted.  Had to roll the windows down to air out the cabin.  This is the life of a megastar, so don't be so quick with the jealousy.  Felix suggested it might be a CIA attempt to quiet kabuki's voice of reason.  But kabuki will not be silenced so easily.  kabuki has smelled worse at a Todd Rundgren concert.  Anyway on to the bad:  arkansas has the worst radio ever.
from christians telling me about my sinful friends (please try to be a little extra sinful.  just for kabuki) to NPR going on and on and on about what kabuki cannot even remember.  And a couple of country music stations thrown in for color. ick ick ick.  Moving on, as kabuki wondered down the road kabuki's extra keen senses noticed something amiss in a field next to rt 40.  Of course kabuki investigated.  kabuki has trained for just such an event.  Someone (or something) had taken all of the nearby cow patties and arranged them into pleasing geometric patterns.  kabuki was on to something, and is here to announce to the world.  KABUKI HAS DISCOVERED CRAP CIRCLES IN THE MIDWEST.  kabuki advises everyone to stay tuned, updates as they occur.  and now kabuki must rest, double locking the motel door just in case.  kisseys

Sunday

hello world - please shine a light on kabuki

with a 16 foot rented truck, towing the purple station wagon of delight, kabuki heads west.  with a song in my heart (and an ache in my back) we seek warmer pastures.  think only good thoughts, well-wishers that you are.  if that truck doesn't make it all the kabuki may just set up camp where ever we roll to a stop.  can you just feature kabuki hawking her wares on the side of rt 40, like a common polka-dot street whore.  speaking of polka dot whores, one left me a text message a short time ago.  you let the hired hands have a few castoffs and low and behold, a sense of righteous indignation springs forth.  if you see her, please remind the polka dot queen (of nowhere) to eat her lunch outside.  the living room drapes reek of soy sauce and cheap salmon.  kabuki is surprised the entire place is not overrun by cats.  rumor has it a certain polka dot lady has a cat only to take the blame for any bad smells that may be noticed in her sex room.  kabuki did not even know that latex can go 'off'.  this internet thing is quite educational, and not always in a bad way.    dear ones - think of me, driving home for the first time.  with the dog and max - the talking parrot.  kabuki dropped a box of something, kabuki said 'shit', and max chimed in 'you bitch!'.  kabuki does hope he was referring to the box. otherwise its gonna be a bumpy road for everyone.  bon chance kabuki, that's what the voices in my head are saying.  and kabuki is glad they are friendly.  tatas

Tuesday

Now I need you I need you I need I need you I need you I need you

 
Thank you Miss Donna Summer.  Sometimes the girl knows where I am, and what I want.   Kabuki is packing, so things are dishevled.  Or I should say, kabuki is supposed to be packing.  Let me share my tale of woe.  It is not for the faint of heart, so hold on tight to each other.  kabuki awoke this morning all warm and cuddly, loving life and anticipating my many tasks not with a sense of foreboding but with the determination of that little ant who moved the rubber tree plant.  (children - go watch Laverne & Shirley).  As kabuki rose from the comfort of the bed a twinge made its presence felt along the left side of kabuki's neck.  'Oh Lord' kabuki cried 'Not  my neck, not know.  Take my big toe, my right butt cheek, but not my neck.  Sweet Jesus'.  But it was too late.  The left side of kabukis' neck locked up tighter than the back door of Fort Knox.  Fortunately kabuki is surrounded by family and friends.  Who are all extremely busy and pressed for time.  Apparently kabuki has been abandoned by east coast mankind.  The coldest cut of all.  When kabuki thinks of the love kabuki has attempted to share with the east coast, well kabuki could just spit.  Except that spitting is disgusting.  Nothing like a gorgeous man hocking a big ole lugey to ruin a mood.  Might as well pinch one nostril closed and fire snot rockets at the ground.  kabuki is not sure why anyone finds men attractive.  kabuki remembers standing a urinal trough when a beautiful man joined the affair.  He turned to kabuki and said 'It's my birthday'.  kabuki said 'Thats nice.  You are peeing on my sandal'.  Apparently some bizarre birthday ritual kabuki was not familiar with.  Must have missed that meaning.  (Note:  this was the last time kabuki wore sandals anywhere that intoxicated people might be urinating)  A lesson learned, thats for sure. But what does it mean kabuki?  Learn us please.

Kabuki has no damn idea what it means.  In a feeble attempt to salvage anything from today, kabuki applied muscle relaxers and what ever else might be appropriate to the insides of kabukis' digestive tract.  kabuki needs to be reminded that a life of debauchery coupled with an extensive medical history of 'tightness' has made it extremely difficult to relax, sedate, tranquilize, etc the kabuki mindstream.  kabuki pities the fool that slips kabuki a mickey.  All that occured was a heightened interest in watching jewelry television, interspersed with naps.  And by the way, Christian evangelical televangelist Jim Bakker is running out of mini-trampolines.  (just sayin')  If you want to bounce your way to fitness and godliness best to head over to church channel and order now.  Not for kabuki.  Muscle relaxers and trampolines sounds like a gas, but kabuki will refrain until someone is available to film the adventure.

So, what does it all mean dear reader?  In a nutshell, neck hurts, friends missing, packing waiting, bouncing fun.  And since kabuki napped off and on all day kabuki will probably be awake until thursday.  dammit.