Tuesday

A indepth look at LOVE (from the kabukizero minds' eye series)




They say in springtime a man's fancy turns to LOVE.  A man's fancy what?  They don't tell you that part.  They just leave you hanging out to dry.  kabuki has several fancy parts.  This is but a hint dear reader of the madness that will ensue when LOVE comes to call.  As soon as it sets its sight on you, you are basically LOVE's bitch.  Better men (and women, transgendered, mermaids, space creatures. etc) than us have tried to outrun LOVE.  We cannot.  We can only outlast LOVE, and that is an unpleasant scenario as well.  Let kabuki give you a small glance into the minds' eye of LOVE. 

The beatles sang "All you need is love, love is all you need'.  Cute but incorrect.  You will also need lunch, because LOVE is actually hard work.  LOVE will take from you everything, and give back nothing.  LOVE  will also take nothing, and give to you everything.  Confused?  Love is a two-sided coin, a double edged sword. a wendy's double with the works (that lunch reference may me hungry).  You can search for LOVE and not find it.  You can hide from  LOVE and have it find you.  You may find and lose the LOVE of your life (insert kabuki's dramatic life story here), may never know real LOVE, may bounce in and out of LOVE like a 4 year old jacked up on M&Ms.  (do not try this at home)  There are people that are always in LOVE with someone new.  They are idiots, and it is best to steer clear of them.  Unless you are one of them (no offence, how you doing?)

TAFKA or Prince sings "Baby if you want me to, I would die for you".  Real LOVE places your beloved in the foreground, with you bringing up the rear.  Self-sacrifice in the name of LOVE is a time honored tradition (according to poets and sages).  Duels fought, wars waged, kingdoms lost.  All in the name of LOVE.  Yet you cannot buy LOVE, nor can you sell it.  It cannot be contained, constrained, reclaimed, defamed, and a bunch of other rhyming words as well.  For kabuki, LOVE defined my being.  I was walking down a hallway in my highschool when I saw the face that was true LOVE.  It redefined my sexuality.  I simply could not imagine my life without this face.  I telephoned every single day for 5 years.  I followed this face across the country, several times.  We were closest of friends, the cruelest of LOVE's ploys.  I invested almost 20 years of my life to this face, as it was my quest.  And was completely unsuccessful.  Oh yes, kabuki knows far too well of LOVE's power.  To this day I would rather spend one night in my true LOVE's arms than an eternity alone.  It cannot be. And everyone in the universe but kabuki can see this as clearly as the blazing sun.  This is the path kabui will walk down a million times, and each time take the wrong branch.  Just for the chance to experience true LOVE.  It sounds demented.  kabuki is a brilliant, sane, attractive person with the world to give, yet kabuki could not shake LOVE's grasp.  Obsession?  Too small a word.  Mind crushing all emcompassing omnipresent LOVE, that's what it is.  What a horrid thing to do to a sentient being.

When Sinead O'Connor screams "I would kill a dragon for you", this is the sentiment  that defines LOVE best for kabuki.  It speaks of sacrifice yes, but of mythical beings and impossible odds and determination.  This song Troy, of unwanted advances and unrequited LOVE tears little pieces of kabuki off and floats them down the river of despair.  It symbolizes the dark and selfish side of LOVE, and kabuki will admit to time spent there.  Yet kabuki has moved past shame, accepted blame and finally put an end to the life long true LOVE horror story that tormented kabuki for decades.  kabuki has come to terms with this addiction, and realized he was powerless in its grasp.  kabuki even accepted that the face was more than likely deceased, and all hope long lost.  kabuki had a good cry, packed it away.  Then Facebook recommended the face as a friend (we had mutual friends in common).  kabuki has been on facebook since forever, and the week kabuki comes to terms with LOVE, the face joins facebook.  Tell kabuki LOVE is not alive and kabuki will laugh in your uneducated face.  There is  rhyme and reason to the universe people, there is a reason you are right here right now, there is a higher power.  It is LOVE, and kabuki is just sick about it.

Finally, David Bowie sings "With your kiss my life begins.  You are spring to me, all things to me.  Dont you know you're life itself?"  That is the new LOVE kabuki seeks, for kabuki is but a man.  And man is but a fool.  And fools are meant to LOVE.  I have recovered from my chance vision of the face.  Twas but a stumble along my path.  kabuki (having both natural grace and regal poise) quickly regained balance and composure.  kabuki is extremely proud of this.  having been alone since 1991 kabuki knows solitude is only pain.   You may remember kabuki no longer fears pain.  And as long as kabuki remembers that, life will continue and a new LOVE may appear.  No one can prove otherwise.  kabuki envisions a time when a new LOVE will exist.  As kabuki gazes into the abyss, new LOVE will grasp kabuki's hand and say "Don't scrunch up your face like that, people will think you are retarded".  That is LOVE.

Monday

A Thousand Pardons

As all of my extremely beautiful and wise followers can attest to kabuki has moved to a glamorous megastar worthy motor lodge called Desert Palms.  Kabuki is awash in luxury, diamonds and furs, etc.  It is all kabuki can do to remain humble and sincere, is it not?  Anyway my babies, kabuki has signed up for the attractive VERIZON HIGHSPEED DSL - which does not work.  At all, ever, for any reason.  How incalculably rude thought the ever pleasant kabuki.  Unwilling to complain, yet fearing others would suffer kabuki reached for the New VERIZON IPHONE 4 - which does not work unless kabuki stands in the driveway of the aforementioned celebrity-worthy dwelling.  I was appalled because kabuki does the background research necessary prior to obtaining such expensive and apparently useless devices.  Due diligance and insomnia led kabuki to check coverage maps, read countless reviews and surveys, and even listen to the man in the street.  And why anyone would listen to a man standing in the street is beside kabuki, but as you probably suspect kabuki likes to follow the crowd.  kabuki goes along to get along yes sirree.  Don't make waves, be a small voice in a loud room, wall flower, a fleeting shadow at dusk, all of these descriptives are probably used by my many supporters when discussing my demure self.  So kabuki must apologise with a heavy heart and a shameful mind for allowing you, my reader, the important one, to go without the literary sustenance that is The Man Who Told The World.  And allow me to humbly thank you, and in my most Mother Theresa-like mood avow 'IF THESE BACKWOODS MOTHERFUCKERS DON'T GET ME CONNECTED BY TOMORROW THE HEAVENS SHALL RAIN DOWN A POWERFUL AND FEARSOME VENEGANCE UNSEEN SINCE KRAKATOA WENT BALLISTIC'.  In a loving and heart-felt manner of course.  kisses and bunny-hugs I love you too much to say aloud.

Saturday

You'll never see it coming



A cunning master of disguise - yes that is true.  Eidetic memory - pehaps, kabuki cannot recall.  But it is kabuki's complete disregard for truth and and utter disbelief in reality that allows kabuki to bring forth another set of completely unsubstantiated claims against people kabuki may or may not have even met.  That is for the courts to decide.  Shall we begin:
What canadian diva is said to be responsible for the scuttling of the long awaited justin bieber shower scene in 'Glee'?  oh my
Which birthday girl is still reeling from the effects of a absinthe douche?  And what initails-only do-gooder is reported to have carried same hot birthday mess home on his lavender scooter?  hmmm
If kabuki were a betting person (i am not) kabuki would lay 5 to 1 odds that a hostile takeover of certain hollywood hotspots will happen by spring.  (think F___x's Chinese Theatre) what?
Is a certain french residence undergoing massive renovations to include a 'day spa' for recovering jewelry designers and such?  Is the addition of a Louis XIV garage really going to allow space for a 'zen hot house' (aka naked sex sauna)?  one wonders.
What famous film star (here in our very midsts) is said to be working on a completely fresh accapella version of Whoop-up, a broadway musical unlike any other.  Is famous husband slated to design backdrops solely out of balloons?  kabuki is intrigued.
One hears, but does not believe, that a mega-star famous for her closeups was spotted in the Hollywood hills wearing only a tiara and clutching a small animal to her bosom.  That animal later turned out to be an ermine muff, but that is not why we are here today, now is it?  A trail of glass beads led all the way back to Sausalito, where she keeps her stable of show ponies.  perplexed- so is kabuki.
Is a certain Mister about to shove off on a ninety-day cruise ship extravaganza?  Said to be working on a tuxedo made entirely of dollclothing for his 'grand entrance'.  (how couture)  Kabuki's team of psychics pleads to 'stay home, or at least stay off the grand staircase'.  kabuki can say no more lest the delicate veil separating truth and fiction be ripped asunder.  bon voyage indeed!
Has our chain-smoking film-noir darling been permanently banned from the NASCAR winners circle?  Seems hot cigarette ash accidentally set Ms America's dress on fire prior to the awards ceremony.  Who doesn't wear flame retardant gowns nowadays?  Melted polyesther can be oh so difficult to remove from trophies, as kabuki well knows.
Was a certain poisonous playmate seen flashing her vajayjay at Elton Johns' after party?  All kabuki can say is the seafood salad on the buffet went untouched.  Now you tell me.
And finally - what famous oriental megastar has been lured to the desert with promises of kabutzing with Hollywood royalty?  And what same megastar was caught completely offguard to find out that scorpions are not the denizens of the desert.  It is mummies.  Two mummies, wearing matching purple tshirts were seen piloting a bmw convertible down Palm Drive yesterday.  Can same-said megastar solve the riddle of the pyramids to stave off possible mummy infestation?  can't say, cuz right now megastar  is going to take a nap.  adieu mon cheri   

Tuesday

There was a boy...

A figure from my childhood, an icon, the hero kabuki wanted to become.  Not too far from the mark kabuki would venture.  Everyone play along and try to guess the name of this hero, this dynamic force in a young mans development.  kabuki also remembers a summer replacement show - mid  60s - called something like Coronet Blue.  The star of the show has amnesia.  He is beset with troubling difficulties (ticking time bombs, groups of goons, dead pilot at the wheel of the plane) and in the very nick of time (about 28 minutes in) the star suddenly remember he knows how to solve the dilemna and voila!, he has once again saved the day.  As an adult kabuki searched for ages to find the show, certain of its theatrical excellance.  On second viewing it's just a cute blond in tight pants.  But what is so wrong with that?  Of course kabuki still enjoys a cute blond in tight pants, but with a more jaded eye.  A question for the hollywood set - whilst watching a performance do you use your own talent as a measuring stick to judge the players?  kabuki wonders how you would not.  Is kabuki that shallow? (no)  For many years kabuki was quite simply the very best at something.  Most agreed, the rest were of no consequence and summarily dismissed.  kabuki actually had an inside voice dialogue as follows:  'I am the funniest person I know.  I am the funniest person I have ever met.  I am NOT the funniest person I have ever seen. etc'  This dialogue covered many activities, and kabuki did not pad his talents.  Many of the categories kabuki had low score, so we rarely covered those areas.  But some other areas, where kabuki was (and in some cases, IS) in the positive column served well to prop up a sometimes wobbly ego.  Good or bad kabuki has never been surrounded by 'yes men'.  And others in kabuki's lifestyle community so often lash out blindly, mistaking cruelty for cleverness.  Some are just plain cruel.  kabuki avoids these children.  Not out of fear, more out of a desire to not be soiled.  Lay down with dogs, etc. So while kabuki scours the desert for new allies and such, do be kind.  It's not that kabuki doesn't want to play silly games. it's just that in the end kabuki will rip your soul out and set it ablaze.  And its hot enough here already.  ciao

Friday

I'm your primate dancer. A dancer, a monkey, and any old music will do.

Someone please revoke my craigslist priviledges before I do something silly.  I believe thats what went thru kabuki's mind.  A long time ago.  And who the hell does Home Depot think they are kidding with $15 Big-as-a-horse Orchids. Trying to cull favor with the kabuki person.  It almost worked until a snarling Bruce slunk past.  You would thing that place had a dress code.  Anyway - here is the start of the living room.  The teak coffee table requires refinishing, so it is not pictured.  It is hiding in shame in the sunroom.  Please feel free to crush kabuki's dreams by remarking how tattered everything appears.  kabuki will just die.  After she takes you out into the desert and says bad things about your upbringing.  Because that is how kabuki rolls.  Any way with little sleep, money, patience, chocolate ice cream, etc kabuki shall press on.  My sincere thanks to the several people who assisted kabuki, the move would not have occurred without them.  Many thanks to felix - it was his idea after all.  So if you need a sacrifice for the earthquake gods, call me and kabuki will give you directions to LA.  Really, kabuki is still much to busy unpacking to undergo any sacrificial duties at this time.  It is always nice just to be nominated, as so many people in California will attest.  Also, no one warned me about little latino women driving golfcarts on the road.  It is difficult enough to drive out here (so picturesque) without hysterical fits of laughter.  Really, must you think only of yourselves?  And a word to the armed gunmen who robbed the Sally's beauty supply store the very week kabuki arrived :  too little, too late my criminal friends.  To compete with kabuki's level of beauty you should have started at birth.  Plus - Sally's beauty supply - what did you make off with?  Wash-out color rinses are so 1970s.  Must kabuki now educate the criminal set as to style and grace?  Oh well, as you can tell - lots to do here.  kabuki is happy, excited and just a teensy bit proud of himself.  More to come - of that you can be sure.  tatas