Friday

Where When Who How Why - what are you, a friggin journalist?


I spin slowly, balanced on just one toe.  I am suspended in my 10,000 gallon hot spa.  The music fades out, and the roar of the crowd is deafening.  Having just performed my classic water ballet, set to 'Let's get Physical', by Olivia Newton John.  (yes kabuki enoys the classical music, no phillistine here!)  Originally performed purely for the enjoyment of myself and a few night birds, kabuki was once again thrust onto the world stage when discovered by spy satellite.  (again)  Whenever kabuki is having the cell-phone difficulties - you can be sure a spy satellite is overhead.  Spying - its what they do.  I mean, it is their first name, for crying out loud.  Don't you people get it.  I am being watched, and perhaps one day you will be watched as well.  If you strive to become as interesting as kabuki - perhaps the heavens will smile on you.  I shall include you in my nitely prayers "Dear God - please make the talentless plebs who toil endlessly just a bit more like me - kabuki the wondrous.  Oh, and kabuki is still waiting for the porsche, know you're busy.  just sayin.  amen"  See, kabuki is still a giver, still cares about the little people - you know - YOU.  Can't you just feel the love.?

Anyhow kabuki has been touring the world with a 10,000 gallon replica of my local hot spa.  Performing several times a week, its all 24/7 for kabuki.  Thats 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.  I am retired after all.  kabuki still gotta shop and stuff.  I would delgeate, but who has my shopping prowess?  How many times have I heard myself say "What is that?  I want one."  Because the heart wants what the heart wants, I heard that on television (The O'Reilly Factor? maybe)  So as I was saying before I interrupted myself, kabuki is touring avec hot tub, performing spontaneous water ballets for the populace at large.  Spontaneous? Stop it! How refreshing!  Yes, rather than perform a perfect water dance twice kabuki creates a new water dance each performance.  Naturally there are those groupies who follow my tour bus from nation to nation.  But lets face it, kabuki has always had the groupies.  When beauty combines with talent often a large crowd is drawn, almost blindly, to follow the phenom.  And kabuki is known to mix it up occasionally.  Performing in Moscow (for all those communists) kabuki switched music.  kabuki performed a syncopated sensational to 'Maxwell's silver hammer' by the Beatles.  Clad in a chrome one piece -  the Moscowvites were stunned into silence.  And we all know how chatty communists are.  Dedicated to "Occupy Wall Street", kabuki will be performing the last show of the tour in Monaco.  I will be performing 'Castles Burning' by Neil Young.  I will be performing nude, and kabuki is sure you would approve.  "Its only castles burning, find someone who's turning, and you will come around."

Wednesday

Dancing my way back to you



It is a cold rainy night in Paris.  It rains whenever I visit, like Paris is teary-eyed over my inevitable departure.  Pity.  I am in the back of a filthy cab, hurtling towards who knows where?  I am clutching a half-eaten flan in my left hand, a silver spoon in my right.  I detest flan, like a gussied-up pudding pop.  Ever eco-friendly I open the window and fling it out.  (it is organic)  The silver spoon I pocket. although I wasn't born with it.  Maybe I'll have a yogurt later.  Not a greek yogurt, the spoon makes my butt hurt. (completely stolen humor)  I look down, oh my god!  A mixture of Prada and Armani.  Who dressed me, Anderson Cooper?  That tears it, I am having him declared 'enemy of the state'.   Who is giggling now?  Really, becauseI can hear giggling.  It is so disenheartening when ones innver voices titter away at some inside joke.  Only part of the reason I loathe them so.  As opposed to you, my loyal (and pretty) readers. Whom I just adore.  Stop over, I'll give you candy.  now back to our adventure.
"Take me to the Grand" I shriek at the driver.  It helps to shriek when in Paris.  They expect it, really,  Kabuki knows their is a 'Grand' in Paris, and kabuki knows this is where he belongs.  Kabuki just hopes it is not a Chicken and Waffles place, because kabuki is not  in the mood for food.  Kabuki is in the mood for love.  It may or may not be caused by my humpy neighbor, why must we question love?  Just wrap yourself in loves' embrace.  Fox also is a good wrap.  just sayin.  The cab comes to a stop in front of a red carpet, the rain has stopped, if a rainbow was out kabuki would call Disney and tell them to knock it off.  But no, so kabuki presses on.  What happens next is simply not to be believed.  And kabuki will tell you all about it, just as soon as I make it up. (merde) hang-on my lovelies