Tuesday

The Aubergine Jar


The three Japanese characters for kabuki separately refer to "dance, music, and craft or skill". Originally however, kabuki was written with different characters which meant "tilted" or out of "balance", the implication being something that might be considered exotic, racy or debauched.

Okay, todays education session is over, let  us get real up in here.  Kabuki is in pain today, apparently a pinched nerve in the kabuki neck.  when kabuki raises his right arm just the right way - an electric shock ensues.  (not the good kind either),  If kabuki turns his neck the right way - same electric shock.  Knowing this still does not prevent kabuki from turnig said appendages in that special 'shocky' way approximately 83,000 times an hour.  Yes kabuki is a bit fidgity, deal with it.  Kabuki has partaken of the swirling hot spa waters, a muscle relaxer and a pain killer to no avail.  Shocky shocky shocky.  It is most annoying, and threatens to undermine my ususal loving and carefree nature.  And while we speak of annoying, let us delve into the world of California painkillers.  Since kabuki's arrival he has taken the occasional painkiller for the occasional pain.  Because this is how it is supposed to be.  And if you take too many pain killers then you never poop again, and you also die (Elvis reference).  So kabuki is a good kabuki with his meds.  That being said, California has some difficulty in actually delivering pain killers.  Oh kabuki has the pills, but not a single one has worked since kabuki crossed the great divide.  When kabuki mentioned this to the California pharmacist it was implied the kabuki was a'pill head' and had built up a tolerance to said medication.  Even though kabuki has successfully managed this medication for 10 years.  kabuki thinks a more reasonable scenario is that pharmacist is selling the real meds to the black market and using the funds to get people to talk to his - because he is an enormous pompous ass.  Who knew a Costco pharmacist was the answer to all of mankinds' difficulties.  (douche bag)

So anyway, kabuki has investigated the medical marijuana available to the California citizens.  At least those that are medically indicated,  Let me take you there.  Always in a storefront of a strip mall, with no advertising or ground level windows, you get buzzed into the lobby.  It reeks of pot, and a female teenage idiot validates your identity papers.  Think bad hair coupled with poor wardrobe choices.  Her parents must be sooo proud.  You are eventually ushered upstairs, or backroom, where several teenage boys (all named Chad) are waiting to serve you.  At least one of the Chads has arrived at work via his skateboard.  There is a large jar on the counter for you to tip the Chads.  It is full of money and buds of pot.  Unhygenic at best.  kabuki explains to Chad - pain abatement, muscle relaxation NO MUNCHIES.  We always ends up at the expensive counter, so kabuki just starts there nowadays.  kabuki has always been a top-shelf kinda guy.  Kabuki purchases a little of this, a little of that, whines for a freebie (they always have something to give away)  And then kabuki peruses the edibles section.  Chocolate bar - kabuki says yes.  Peanut brittle - surprising good (and it made kabuki giggle for hours) .  Regardless of the amount of weed purchased, it goes into a litle glass jar.  how divine.  kabuki adores the little glass jars.  But now the trouble.  And those of you who know me - well you know kabuki can overlook most things.  BUT not the stupid names the Chads are calling the different varieties of WEED.  Let us investigate - white widow, pure kush, master kush, headband, blackwater og, fire og, out of this world, etc.  WHO IS LETTING THE CHADS NAME THE POTS? (sidenote: from now on all pot dealers will be called Chad.)  I realize that the employees of the medical marijuana dispensary are professional teenage weed dealers, but kabuki would prefer a more gentle, dare kabuki say - a more adult approach to medical marijuana management.  We could start with the pricing - $20 a gram seems harsh.  Then for the employees, at least one worker old enough to drive. Finally, a more attractive pot naming scheme - Chadswoths delight, Caramel bliss, Angel fart - whatever.  And finally. the reasonably priced non-idiotic named pot (all the Chads say 'medicine') could be placed into aubergine glass jars.  kabuki is pleased

Thursday

Ho Ho Ho and Mistletoe and pretty girls

As you can no doubt tell, kabuki continues the long traditional of exquisitely tastefull Christmas decorations.  The 8 foot inflatable snowman was an early holiday gift for which kabuki begged for shamelessly.  For when it comes to taste, kabuki has no shame.  I an sure this comes as no surprise to my many readers, most of whom said 'where the hell is that moron?' .  Due to a complete and total lack of inspiration kabuki coasted thru life for a couple of months.  Some would say kabuki merely stopped to smell the roses, but this is simply not true.  The first week that the temperature remained in triple digits all of kabukis' rose bushes exploded.  Many a plant did not survive the summer.  Kabuki remains determined to plant a serene desert scape.  I shall try again this spring.  I shall perhaps try some soil amendments.  Especially if these pets of mine don't straighten up and fly right.  (late nite garden burials, kabuki will try to film it)  Adds a certain gothic charm to the front garden, don't you feel?  "The cockatoo, why she is right under that cactus.  Look how happy that cactus looks".  The good karma kabuki hoped to cultivate by sheltering some of God's poor misfit creatures is nowhere to be seen some days.  Kabuki will walk into the tha calmness of the living room to find a cockatoo chasing the chihuahua while the ringneck parakeet makes short work of a perfectly nice palm tree.  The African Grey provides color commentary for the events by louding saying things that are most definitely made up.  'Everybody stay here.  I'm going downstairs, hey handsome, I want some water, Elmo go outside', and so on. One morning kabuki walked in only to be serendaded by Max "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there".  Kabuki was unaware Max was so intune with kabuki's insurance needs.  Touching nes pas?
I have made a couple friends here in my little resort town.  kabuki plays bingo at the local casino with a neighbor and his Mom.   I have fixed a couple computers, done a little computer training, kabuki does stay a little busy.  I do spend time in the hot spa almost every day, I terrorize the deserving on twitter, and continue to rehab my little castle.  This fall saw a replacement wall unit ac, a new swamp cooler, a new water heater, and a new furnace.  I have replaced the flamed stitched couch in the living room, mostly because when I moved it outside to swap in a leather couch I accidentally ran over it.  No, things did not go well for the flame stitched mid-century modern sofa.  From Dupont Circle to a Desert Hot Springs dump, how the mighty have fallen.  Kabuki is sure there is a lesson there.  For someone.
kabuki wishes everyone a fabulous holiday season, and would like to say that any & all unwanted holiday gifts (of gold, diamonds, rubies, etc) not be returned to the store.  It is hurtful to the gift giver.  Instead, forward all such baubles to kabuki, and tell the gift giver that the cat ate the diamond tennis bracelet.  I offer this service because I care, kabuki is full of love, hope and some bourbon soaked fruit cake.  kabuki promises to provide more timely updates of the on-going adventures of this desert dwelling mega-star.  Be seein you