Saturday

while the cat is away


Our beloved Infomaniac stylestress is not even over the horizon and the catastrophe rears its evil head up on kabuk'is twitter.  The Polka Dot Queen has resurfaced, as kabuki foresaw (and forewarned, bitches).  WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY is it always up to kabuki to carry the banner into the fray?  Is it because of kabuki's great legs?  Ruby Keeleresque - some might say.  Kabuki humbly acknowledges the fact that kabuki is equipped with a fine pair of walking sticks.  (don't hate the player)  So now kabuki has to march down to New Yorks' 5th Avenue, break the glass on the storefront where this nightmare is polkadots has been spied, and do battle with the Polka Dot Queen.  Kabuki would regret that he has only only life to give, but let us be serious, kabuki will wipe the floor with this fashion freak.  My battle kimono is pressed, the car is gassed, the citizens have been evacuated (3 block radius, in case kabuki starts to swing a purse).  So anyway, while kabuki is on 5th Ave, anybody need anything?  Chanel?  Louis Vuitton?  Kabuki would say Prada but last time kabuki wore any prada he broke out in a rash.  Probably made in bangladesh, those prada people are pretenders to the throne.  Who knows, might cross the pond, catch some olympics and have Vivienne Westwood run kabuki up a smart new kimono.  because the one kabuki wears to New York is gonna have polka dots all over it.  bon chance!

Thursday

Ruby, don't take your love to town

Quite recently kabuki was in Malaga with Adele and Brendan Fraser.  Say what you will, but kabuki has shared figs with less attractive men than Brendan.  Anyway - Brendan was trying to give me ideas for my upcoming kitchen rehab, and kabuki was pretending to be interested in his opinion.  Has anyone ever really been interested in anyone else's kitchen hints?  Certainly not kabuki, who knows his way around a lemon zester.  And we shall speak of it no further.  All this talk of kitchens reminded Adele of  this delightful pear and dark chocolate croissanrt she had for breakfast - well the whole affair was really just a crashing bore.  'Excuse moi' kabuki said, and while pretending to visit the loo kabuki slipped out the back door of that sad little cafe in Malaga.  Hopping the next steamer for the cape (note: steamship captains adore kabuki, and always have.)  Kabuki was sure Adele and Brendan would forgive kabuki, because kabuki can pout like the prettiest ballerina princess that ever was.  Plus, kabuki is not above a little white lie (to spare their feelings).  Better 'kabuki banged his head in the watercloset, and the resulting amnesia tooks weeks to subside' than 'kabuki wanted to gut you both like last nights trout, and feed your entrails to the undead'.  Because, as if you knew, the undead are particularly useful if you are trying to  get rid of some entrails.  Ignore this if you are in france (hope not) because the french will serve it up with truffle sauce and a pretentious red wine.  salut  kabuki knows to tread carefully the waters of the Seine, because of the many francophiles the visit mine own blog.  A world wide phenom to be sure, kabuki was even recognized in Anartica not so long ago.  kabuki knew the fur-lined kimono was a wise investment.  Those cold artic blasts are well past invigorating when one is out of doors.  A word to the wise - save those 'going commando' days for Brasil.  So where were we?  Kabuki has no idea - that amnesia really was something.  To recap - Adele, waterloo, brendan francophile, lemon tarts and of course Kabuki Zero.  Next time - have you seen my sketch pad?

Friday

Is it time to dance yet?

It is 106 degrees outside.  Kabuki is wearing kneehigh socks, sweatpants, a tshirt, a long sleeved tshirt, and workgloves.  Kabuki is crawling under his doublewide mansion, flashlight in one hand - new electrical wiring in the other.  Crawling commando style, in the hot dusty nether regions of his home.  Kabuki dares a spider, scorpion or other insectoid to try and bite kabuki.  The insect will explode, because kabuki is in no mood.  While renovating the golden cave of mexican delights (aka master bedroom) kabuki has run into electrical issues. Next time kabuki lets someone talk him into using the local retirees to save a few dollars - you have permission to bitch slap kabuki.  Notice the lovely shade of rivermist blue kabuki  has selected for the master bedroom.  A lovely cobalt blue has been selected for an accent wall.  Kabuki thinks an accent wall will add that continental flavor kabuki desires.  Plus it was on the clearance shelf for $7.00.  Trust kabuki when he tells you the rivermist blue was not $7.00, and multiple gallons were required for the new sheetrock.  Watch kabuki toss words like electrical wiring, sheetrock and workgloves about.  It gives one chills.  This is no way for the prettiest ballerina in the world to spend an afternoon.  Kabuki would so much rather be sipping frozen magaritas and discussing where to get a nice manicure in Palm Springs.  Alas and alack.
While experiencing my very own electrical issues there were several power outages citywide in lovely Palm Springs.  Kabuki was asked by the property manager if kabuki was responsible for same.  Kabuki replied that when he knocks the power out it will stay out, and manical laughter will echo in the valley.  Did kabuki mention that kabuki lives in a valley?  If only kabuki could get his hands on a suede pantsuit kimono  - Barbara Stanwyck would spin in her grave.  Now that is entertainment folks.  Speaking of graves (excellent transition) the power dificulties managed to bring kabuki's desktop pc to its very own endtimes.  Kabuki imagines it is in pc heaven with MJ and Thombeau's pc's.  Does anyone else smell conspiracy?  Why is it always the talented who suffer.  Kabuki bets Paris Hiltons' pc is fine.  Probably like new, since she has no idea what it is.  After kabuki recovers from the abrupt hardware failure he plans to toss his surge protector into the duck pond.  The pc may or may not still be attached.  Like the rebuilding of the great barrier reef in australia, kabuki gives back to the planet.  Even though kabuki has been wronged as of late, it is still all light and joy in kabuki's heart.  Kabuki remains a giver. 
Did kabuki mention electrical difficulties?  Is anyone taking notes? Refer back if you need to.  It would seem that when the circuit breakers are tripped in kabuki's house, the ground wire then becomes hot.  Since kabuki's house has some metal breaker boxes and is covered in aluminium siding this leads to some sparky-sparky issues.  Kabuki has been removing the offending metal boxes and throwing them in the trash.  There are approx. 20 outside outlets at kabuki's residence.  Kabuki likes to share, but not his electricity, so he has been correcting the over abundance of outlets.  Maybe they were on sale at Home Depot, kabuki cannot really say.  All kabuki can say is if the whole place burns to the ground prior to kabuki's fixing everything - kabuki is going to come and live with one of you. 

Sunday

Ruining a perfectly good manicure

Someone who should know better left this collection of blue mayhem at my house.  For safe-keeping.  This is the world we live in people.  Madness is king, and you know kabuki has wrecked his nails making sure that no trim in this house is loose.  Loose trim is the first sign of madness, of this kabuki is sure.  The second sign is telling people what the first sign is, but what are you gonna do.  Given a large enough air hose kabuki could bring safety to all those in 'loose trim' danger.  Why this is not a subject for this years' presidential election is obvious.  They do not care about you.  Kabuki almost said us, but that is ridiculous.  Obama adores him some kabuki.  Yes, the prez is a fan.  Deal with it.  Mitt would be a fan if he possessed the intellect to recognize genius, but we are lucky if he can recognize (and identify) the major food groups.  His handlers have managed to keep it out of the press, but Mitt is known to gnaw on just about anything if he is feeling peckish.  So many pairs of his wifes' shoes were ruined that now she keeps them in the refrigerator.  (the fridge light scares Mitt)  Anyway, until kabuki runs out of nails, brads, staples and any other manner of air-compressed fasteners - kabuki will bid you farewell.  Next time - will kabuki run the paint sprayer?  Damn skippy he will, manicures are for the weak and timid.   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!