Adrift in a Sea of Indecision

Not  really.  Well maybe a little .  Oh who knows?  We all care, so don't be frontin'.  kabuki will explain the latest Home Madness cover.  kabuki really has a way.  With whatever, not so much with whenever.  kabuki wants it all.  now.  please.  bitches.  thank you.  We will check-in on the homefront a bit later on.  This past Sunday kabuki was having a delightful brunch at http://www.acqua-pazza.com .  (It means crazy water)  It was kabuki, Linda Hamilton and Hamilton Beach.  Yes, there really is a Hamilton Beach.  Swell Fella, gave everybody a blender.  While waiting to be seated al fresco kabuki dryly intoned that had kabuki known it was Louis Vuitton Sunday Brunch that kabuki would have brought one.  At that precise moment TIME STOPPED.  In strolled a 60 year old STONE COLD DEAD FOX.  Dark aquamarine silk patchwork sheath dress.  Bunches of seed pearl strands and one large white Chanel bag.  Tucked in her armpit.  kabuki mentally and silently screamed 'No more entries, we have a winner!'  kabuki should have flat gone for it, but feels the lobster rolls would have been witheld.  alas. 

So the photo is my little 1965 love shack.  Coming along, coming along.  And right across the way sits the vacant double wide that belonged to the original park owner.  With the back wall of sliding glass doors leading to the deck that fronts the duck pond.  (I shall rename it Lake du Canard later).  A large mid 70s unit, last occupant little south of the border lady.  The place screams 'Foxy Brown Love Palace West'.  kabuki would need orange shag carpeting, and would search for same.  Probably find some in minnesota (or canada).  You see kabuki wants it, and made a bold cut-throat move to acquire this little pretty home, cuz that is pretty much how kabuki rolls.  Feel free to kick in a few large to help with paint.  Lots of it.  Of course kabuki said 'the kabuki kitchen appliance kollection' must go with kabuki.  kabuki's refridgerator has like six light bulbs.  Damn serious people, six damn light bulbs.  kabuki giggles wickedly.  at nite.  alone.  in a resort town.  six.

So kabuki shall wait it out.  Will kabuki stay in the mid-century or move boldly into the 70s' love machine disco train?  Felix says kabuki needs a Monte Carlo to park in front of the new place.  Anybody want to hook kabuki up?  vroom vroom kabuki says 'damn skippy'.

Forget I'm a Lady

Sorry for the absence, that's on me dawg.  Spring got in the way, and kabuki was forced to decorate, redecorate, and then un-decorate.  Few people can handle all three phases of decor - but kabuki is a talented mega-star so no big dealio.  Onto exciting personal revelations:

If you can answer yes to some of the following questions - this blog is for you.

1.  Did you almost complete high school?
2.  Is it illegal for you to buy and/or consume alcohol?
3.  Do you have at least one child?
4.  Are you employed in the retail/fast food industry?
5.  Would your outfit be considered a poor fashion choice by anyone but you?
6.  Are you humming 'I am sexy and I know it' to yourself all day long?

I you answered yes to at least two of the above questions kabuki would like to clue you in.  School you, if you wish.  YOU WILL NEVER WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH ME!  You do not possess the necessary skills.  You do not have enough life experience.  You are vastly outgunned, circle the wagons, and raise a white flag.  If kabuki is engaging you in conversation it is because you are providing a service to kabuki.  A service for which you are being paid.  You can use the money to buy a tattoo of your baby-daddys name.  You can put it on your big fat ass.  You are not in fact the head of industry.  You do not own the establishment that was unfortunate enough to hire you.  If I call your manager you will be drawing unemployment.  Just suffice it to say that you will not, can not, may not and shall not win an argument with kabuki.  Should kabuki's head explode and my lifeless body crumple to the ground - you still will not win the argument.  (kabuki gets points for a dramatic exit).  So get me my damn hot apple pie and large iced tea - and god help us all if you spit in my tea.  Because kabuki will kill all your relatives.  Because iced tea is the sacred liquid of life for kabuki.  I asked for an iced tea with two splendas the other day.  The  young lady behind the counter put two splenda sweeteners into a cup, and then she added sweet tea to the picture.  The resulting beverage gave kabuki type 5 diabetes - and kabuki is still reeling from the initial sip of sweetened sweet tea.  Oddly enough, kabuki does not require large amounts of additional sweeteners.  Kabuki is sweet already.  And nice.  Did kabuki mention pleasant?  Because he certainly should.  Mention it.  Because pleasant is kabuki's middle name.  Kabuki Pleasant Zero.  Sounds like spring, doesn't it?  Because kabuki is all about spring.  And pleasantness.  So shall we all just agreee that kabuki is nice as all get out, and that an argument with such a pleasant person could be life changing?  Yes, kabuki can see that we all do agree.  Sigh, life is good again.  Suck it up, people.  (the pleasantness I mean).  And someone look into a 'cheesecake of the week' club.  Kabuki is interested  in receiving some cheesecakes.

Silence is wrong

Today kabuki would like to share a tale told to him by his neck doctor.  With this years' International Tango Competition drawing near kabuki felt it was time to repair his trick neck.  (While not formally entered, it is widely understood that kabuki may be called into service at a moments notice.)  Anywho kabuki was at his fancy-schmancy rheumotologist today.  Upon entering the building kabuki noticed it was dedicated to his doctor "Oh boy, this is gonna be expensive" kabuki thought.  kabuki also thought it was kinda gauche to have an office building dedicated to yourself.  just sayin.    So here we are, doctor and patient, con-fabbing, whenst kabuki notices the sparkley diamond ring the doctor is wearing.  It is quite similar to the ring kabuki sold several months ago.  It is an old unusual style.  Kabuki mentions this and the doctor says there is a story that is connected to the ring.  Here is that story:

A man, his wife and their two children were rounded up in germany by the Nazis and taken to the train station.  They would be going to Auschwitz.  Auschwitz concentration camp was a network of concentration and extermination camps built and operated by the Third Reich in Polish areas annexed by the Nazis.  The man turned back at the train station, and was shot dead on the spot.  The woman and two children were put on the train.  They were met by Dr. Josef Mengele.  Mengele was also known as the Angel of Death.  The boy aged 11 was sent to the gas chamber, the woman told the girl to give her age as 15, so she might be sent to a labor camp.  She was actually 13.  When Dr Mengele questioned the girl he discovered her true age. It seemed that Dr. Mengele had a way with children.  (I find this fact to be horrific) The girl was also sent to the gas chamber.  The woman became one of Dr Mengeles' house maids.  She served until liberated by the Allies.  When freed she weighed 55 pounds.  She fled to brazil, eventually migrating to America.  She had no family, and was eventually welcomed into the doctors' family as a long lost aunt.  She contracted a virulent form of cancer in her twilight years, and asked the doctor to please allow her to live out her life without pain.  The doctor assured me that this was indeed the case, as she surely deserved no less.  Upon her deathbed she gave away her few possesions.  Having lost everything so long ago she had never really accumulated belongings ever again.  Her house was given to a kind neighbor, her car to the gardner, and her husbands wedding ring was given to the doctor.  35 years later he wears it to remind himself that he really never has a bad day. 

If you remain silent when they come for me, there may be no one to cry out when they come for you.

                    kabuki zero

On this day in History

On this day, exactly one year ago, kabuki zero trans-located his pretty white ass to California.  Swimming pools, movie stars.  Can you dig it? (i knew you could)  Ah - the joy that is my new existence could only be improved by:  blue porsche, sexy movie stars and one large ass bank account.  Of course kabuki realizes how shallow this seems - too bad soo sad.  You asked.  I felt your question in my mind.  Quite handy - these pyschic powers.  Is it the high power lines overhead?  The windmills that dot my ever-so-scenic desert valley landscape?  Or just the continuing evolution of the kabuki?  The answer is WHO CARES!!  Kabuki got hot psycho kinetic power and is not afraid to  use it.  Don't make me angry, you really wouldn't like me angry.  (i kid, you will always adore kabuki - it is your nature)  If you hear  of an Old Navy store exploding - well - you have been warned.  icky things can often be found hangin on racks at Old Navy (or so my spies say, kabiki has yet to step foot in one)  Might as well go to a MALL.  OMG - can you imagine the horror. kabuki would simply go to an Orange Julius stand, order a hot dog, and die.  Would not even need to eat it, just ordering it would be toxic to kabuki.  Kabuki remembers from long ago, when kabuki's mumsie was still around.  One day she says to kabuki "I had a piece of pizza from 7-eleven.  It was not very good".  "Imagine that" kabuki replied, making a mental note to hide mumsie's car keys.  Apparently madness exists in the kabuki family tree.  Let us hope it never strikes our delightly personable star (ME).  Yes kabuki has often been the sanest person in the room.  Usually it is at family gatherings - but it happens elsewhere as well.  Kabuki remembers from long ago (my memory is scary - ask around) when kabuki and several hundred inebriated patrons of local nite spot Lost & Found were watching drunk ninnies light fireworks on the roof of the same said nite spot.  It was Sunday tea dance, it was july fourth, and we were on the lovely deck enjoying the festivites.  Suddenly a medium-sized fully lit firework fell off the roof and landed in front of our bar patrons.  It lay sideways on the deck spewing its glittering death flames towards one and all.  And nobody moved.  "OH MY GOD" kabuki yelled "DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING", at which point kabuki walked over and stomped out the flaming firework with mine own size seven disco shoe.  "Problem solved LADIES" kabuki said to the applauding crowd of nancy boys.  And people wondered why kabuki so rarely dated.  If kabuki is the butchest thing in the room - well you know.  Anyway - happy anniversary to me and my beloved bloggites - who would never watch the internet burn.  They would help kabuki stomp out the flames.  Because they rock.  And they are you.

And now for something completely different

Last seen in Romania fleeing the Big Bad Wolf, whatever has become of our hapless heroine?  Stay tuned for life changing news.  (Eastern Europe has gone to the dogs - if your askin)

What a curious world we inhabit - kabuki style

Early, raw footage of KABUKI ZERO messing with the video camera.  Better get ready for the paparazzi.

The Promise of a new day

Hold on dear ones, this may meander.  Let us rejoice in all things new and delicious, old and delicious, or just delicious.  (somebody broke down a made a batch of brownies!)  It is a beautiful day, kabuki arises at 9am to the joyful squawks of the unruly kabuki clan.  Kabuki uncovers the birds, gives them all a peanut, lets the dog out, opens the blinds, secures a caffinated libation and then kabuki and the dog go back to their respective beds.  We are not the crazy ones, its those damn birds.  One of them BooBoo (an Indian ringneck) has completed her mission of shredding every piece of paper she can get into confetti.  Being a tidy bird she then throws the confetti out of her cage onto MY floor.  Every morning kabuki is greeted with the aftermath of his own ticker-tape parade.  (must have been some party, kabuki muses, because I can't remember a thing).  Every day kabuki sweeps up the mess, and provides BooBoo with new paper.  (don't judge me, she's happy)  Every week kabuki also vacuums and usually damp mops the cherry wood laminate floor.  Today is a good day to vacuum and mop as kabuki rides the horse that is called Gingerbread.  (Kabuki had also baked a gingerbread and had it for brekkie - delightful).   As kabuki has been re-arranging storage while preparing the guest room for the friends and family that will NOT come and visit (bitches), kabuki has located the 75 boxes that contain the CD collection kaboo has been working on for decades.  Up to know kabuki has been forced to pleasure himself (audio-wise) via the scant 50 Gigabytes of music on his personal computer.  It is hardships like this that can eventually wear a man down to a nub.  Anyways, kabuki opens a cd box - screams - and runs towards the Yamaha RX-V870 Natural Sound Stereo Receiver with matching yamaha components and speakers (kabuki is a whore for matching audio equipment).  Why all the fuss you may ask.  Laying in waiting in the cd treasure box is a mix cd kabuki has made,  Kabuki has no recollection of this event - perhaps a fugue state was involved.  (nice play on the word fugue).  Anyway the title of said music collection is 'DRAG QUEEN MUCH? volume one.  Kabuki knows this could go any numer of ways, but is sure the vacuum will be a breeze.  Perhaps a little warm-up number, just to shake the dust off the old bones.  OH MY GOD - Patti Labelle's "What can I do for you".  Kabuki senses a string of patti labelle grooviness is running thru the universe.  Casting aside the kenmore canister vac, Kabuki begins to bring it to the people.  Kabuki is selling pure gold this morning people, get your dollars OUT! (say yeah say yeah)  You may only suspect - and kabuki will now confirm - kabuki can dance like a house of speed freaks on fire.  Sweet Jesus - kabuki embraces the love that is extremely loud (and clean) yamaha digital 6.1 dolby drag queen madness.  Building, spinning, (no leaping - mobile home) bobbing & weaving - there is no doubt that this is the finest dance routine this part of the California desert has seen in decades.   Final moments, taking it home kabuki hits and locks the final pose!  And kabuki's shorts fall to the ground - someone has neglected to don appropriate dance attire.  Glancing up at the open blinds kabuki is surprised to see NO ONE AT ALL.  Live performances can be so fleeting.  Lets only hope the spy satellite caught my laviscious behaviour (it did).  Stay tuned, because kabuki noticed that volume one was sitting on volumes two, three and four.  Be nice and kabuki will burn you a set, guaranteed to turn anywhere queens inhabit into a throw down wig-shaking party.  Because kabuki cares, and kabuki shares.  goodnight my loves.