Friday

And as always, decorum is the key


As this tasteful year tastefully exits (stage keft), kabuki recalls with great fondness the many blessings of tastefullness that were so tastefully placed before us.  One can only dream that 2011 will take an abrupt 180, and head towards uncharted water as fast and she can hoist her missen-mast.  Yes, fellow travelers, 2011 is feminine.  With femininity cames great beauty, love overflowing, and sometimes pizza, pretzels and chocolate ice cream at 3 am.  Like you were going into work anyway.  You don't have a thing to wear, everything just hangs off your svelte frame, and even though they should be jealous - the other years just love you anyway.  Except that weird 2012, nobody knows what his problem is, but many feel it could be rectified with a little old custom we call frontal lobotomy.  It has really fallen out of favor, go figure.  As kabuki was shopping today (trying to fill that void that exists when you are not near) kabuki ran into many people who were not using the front of their brains at all.  Some did not use much of the back part either.  Whike kabuki is a lifesaver, kabuki is not medically certified to say these people were 'brain inert total crap heads' (or bitchs)  But experience allows kabuki to have a medical opinion.  They can't take that away from me.  Not until they pry the stethoscope out of my cold, dead  hands.  Why are deads peoples' hands always cold?  kabuki would venture that if were were dead in oh, let's say the front lobby of a Target, they would actually be quite warm.  As kabuki was earlier today.  While checking out I spied the cutest little re-usable bag on the counter.  "Are these on sale?" kabuki sweetly intoned.  "Why yes, they have been marked down, and we are trying to move them out" the 16 year-old cashier informed kabuki.  (kabuki did not know the 16  year old cashiers were part of the sales strategy - that store is obviously going places).  "May I have one?" kabuki demurred.  Women, even young girls, absolutely love when kabuki demurrs.  It is a gift.  "Only one?" the target cashier/marketing executive questioned.  "Yes, let's share with everyone" kabuki intoned, because sharing is just another part of giving.  kabuki is a world-class giver.  So sally sweetbread places the now purchased re-usable shopping bag into a plastic shopping bag.  This has been happening to kabuki all over town.  Are they too nice to use?  One cashier suggested kabuki might be purchasing the .99 cent bag as a gift.  Right when kabuki was going to school the cashier-ette a voice rang out "Hey, don't I know you?"  It was my sister - the demon from the downstairs of my nightmares.  kabuki wonders if my family has taken to following me now that I am flush.  Good luck to them.  A more probable reason is she has probably been barred from the local grocery stores (for criminal act upon foodstuffs).  It didn't matter, the momemt was lost, the cashiers' eyes were glazed, and kabuki made a hasty retreat.  So it continues.  Next time - how kabuki, in a moment of quiet restraint fell out of the office chair - for no apparent reason at all.  I suspect magnetic interference.   So until then is now, and now is then.  HAPPY NEW YEAR to my many (all 17) readers.  kabuki zero

7 comments:

  1. happynewyear to you too, sweetie. I'm sending you a psychic seatbelt even as I type this.

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  2. Happy New Year to you too darling! I hope the grilled cheese and Amaretto was tasty! I drank too much bubbley and burnt the damn lobster tail! Love your post! Take care hon!

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  3. What was your sister doing in target? Buying something to burn up in the kitchen for dinner, or just picking up a few small appliances to break?

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  4. Why don't you try re-gifting your sister?

    And before you ask, no, I don't want her.

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  5. i wouldn't step foot in target. i do all my shopping at kresge's.

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  6. I wish you peace & prosperity for you in 2011. Prosperity would look good on you.

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