Tuesday

The Aubergine Jar


The three Japanese characters for kabuki separately refer to "dance, music, and craft or skill". Originally however, kabuki was written with different characters which meant "tilted" or out of "balance", the implication being something that might be considered exotic, racy or debauched.

Okay, todays education session is over, let  us get real up in here.  Kabuki is in pain today, apparently a pinched nerve in the kabuki neck.  when kabuki raises his right arm just the right way - an electric shock ensues.  (not the good kind either),  If kabuki turns his neck the right way - same electric shock.  Knowing this still does not prevent kabuki from turnig said appendages in that special 'shocky' way approximately 83,000 times an hour.  Yes kabuki is a bit fidgity, deal with it.  Kabuki has partaken of the swirling hot spa waters, a muscle relaxer and a pain killer to no avail.  Shocky shocky shocky.  It is most annoying, and threatens to undermine my ususal loving and carefree nature.  And while we speak of annoying, let us delve into the world of California painkillers.  Since kabuki's arrival he has taken the occasional painkiller for the occasional pain.  Because this is how it is supposed to be.  And if you take too many pain killers then you never poop again, and you also die (Elvis reference).  So kabuki is a good kabuki with his meds.  That being said, California has some difficulty in actually delivering pain killers.  Oh kabuki has the pills, but not a single one has worked since kabuki crossed the great divide.  When kabuki mentioned this to the California pharmacist it was implied the kabuki was a'pill head' and had built up a tolerance to said medication.  Even though kabuki has successfully managed this medication for 10 years.  kabuki thinks a more reasonable scenario is that pharmacist is selling the real meds to the black market and using the funds to get people to talk to his - because he is an enormous pompous ass.  Who knew a Costco pharmacist was the answer to all of mankinds' difficulties.  (douche bag)

So anyway, kabuki has investigated the medical marijuana available to the California citizens.  At least those that are medically indicated,  Let me take you there.  Always in a storefront of a strip mall, with no advertising or ground level windows, you get buzzed into the lobby.  It reeks of pot, and a female teenage idiot validates your identity papers.  Think bad hair coupled with poor wardrobe choices.  Her parents must be sooo proud.  You are eventually ushered upstairs, or backroom, where several teenage boys (all named Chad) are waiting to serve you.  At least one of the Chads has arrived at work via his skateboard.  There is a large jar on the counter for you to tip the Chads.  It is full of money and buds of pot.  Unhygenic at best.  kabuki explains to Chad - pain abatement, muscle relaxation NO MUNCHIES.  We always ends up at the expensive counter, so kabuki just starts there nowadays.  kabuki has always been a top-shelf kinda guy.  Kabuki purchases a little of this, a little of that, whines for a freebie (they always have something to give away)  And then kabuki peruses the edibles section.  Chocolate bar - kabuki says yes.  Peanut brittle - surprising good (and it made kabuki giggle for hours) .  Regardless of the amount of weed purchased, it goes into a litle glass jar.  how divine.  kabuki adores the little glass jars.  But now the trouble.  And those of you who know me - well you know kabuki can overlook most things.  BUT not the stupid names the Chads are calling the different varieties of WEED.  Let us investigate - white widow, pure kush, master kush, headband, blackwater og, fire og, out of this world, etc.  WHO IS LETTING THE CHADS NAME THE POTS? (sidenote: from now on all pot dealers will be called Chad.)  I realize that the employees of the medical marijuana dispensary are professional teenage weed dealers, but kabuki would prefer a more gentle, dare kabuki say - a more adult approach to medical marijuana management.  We could start with the pricing - $20 a gram seems harsh.  Then for the employees, at least one worker old enough to drive. Finally, a more attractive pot naming scheme - Chadswoths delight, Caramel bliss, Angel fart - whatever.  And finally. the reasonably priced non-idiotic named pot (all the Chads say 'medicine') could be placed into aubergine glass jars.  kabuki is pleased

7 comments:

  1. Oh, darling...I hope you are soon relieved of your pain, of the Chads, and of that last shred of sanity you've been so tenaciously clinging to. Who needs all that?

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  2. Did kabuki wrote this post before ar after kabuki inhaled the content of the aubergine glass jar?

    O daijini
    Jon

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  3. mrpeenee's R man used to be very fond of a varietal called "Train Wreck." Here's hoping your stupid neck calms down soon.

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  4. "Marsha Mellow" might be a more attractive pot name.

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  5. I have the same problem, with the neck, I mean. Heating pad, myoflex and wine. Is the pain gone? No, but now I no longer care.

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  6. Where's the peek-a-boo-pic in your kimono?

    Happy New Year, Kabuki-san!

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