Two words- HA  VOC.  It has been havoc around here, in no smallt hanks to my relatives.  eeech, somebody get me a tazer.  I actually raised my voice yesterday.  Was it overcast where you were?  Now you know why.  Kabuki raised a cry to the very heavens.  I was installing the large window ac into my humble dwelling with the help (HA!) of my deranged brother. When I said "I got this bit" he stepped up and stuck his ugly mug in my face.  Let us just say heat & humidity do not love kabuki. They are jealous bitches.  Especially the hot heat, that's the worst.  But I digress:
Having been selected (again) to compete as America's Sweetheart, I had to go and see the Beauty Commission at their secret headquarters (Paris).  They were trying to head off a scandal like the one that royally fucked last years television special.  I am sure you remember (who doesn't) that kabuki was in the lead - having nailed both swim wear and evening wear - when out of the blue she was disqualified.  By the polish judge.  The one who looked like a cow.  I mean people, she mooed me.  It seems there is a little used clause that disqualifies anyone who is too beautiful, so the mortals can have a chance.  She felt my beauty was both timeless and ethereal, and thus kabuki was shown the door.  I mean,compared to her kabuki was dazzling, but she was tattered(and not in a good way).  SOOOO anyway, I had to jet to Paris - oopsy - kabuki means jet to secret location - to verify that my beauty was not off the scale (again).  Good news - kabuki is in like flint.  And just wait until they catch my talent competition entry.  This year, for talent, kabuki will time travel.  to macedonia.  to get some earthenware.  judges just love pottery.  It's as good as in the bag, which is where I would keep it, because the statuette is heinous.  Imagine a bronze erte piece. Now imagine the exact opposite.  kabuki believes you understand.  This is why I have a bag of trophies, kabuki is not one to make a display.  kabuki is one with the little man.  the common man.  the everyday joe.  just remember NO TOUCHY FEELY STUFF!  Or kabuki will beat you with a bag of beauty trophies.  and that won't be pretty. trust.  kisses till soon.
ps  Felix and kabuki were discussing someone kabuki dislikes.  Felix postulated it was because we are similar.  kabuki is taking up a collection to have Felix's head examined - because he is surely out of his mind on this one.  KTHXBAI


  1. The conclusion of the experts is that my mind is fine, as I am not the one who dislikes someone I've never met.

  2. now why does it matter if you have met them or not? i do so worry about you. now put on you sunsuit and go play in the sprinkler.

  3. 2 questions.

    1) did you mean polish as in sausage or polish as in pledge?

    2) did you get free steaks with your glasses?

  4. I take it that you won't be wearing the Miss Congeniality banner this year either?

  5. I know you hate the mushy stuff, but the Post Apocalyptic Bohemian sends hugs & kisses to the Kabuki...

  6. Hello, you are still with us?