Wednesday

A Love Story?

As my faithful followers (and a few unfaithful ones as well - zing!) are well aware, kabuki relocated to the desert for health reasons.  Since arriving in March the weather has been unseasonably mild (for the desert, that is) Low 90s and high 80s daywise, 60s & 70s in the eves.  Almost idyllic, and kabuki has enjoyed every minute of it.  As all good things must end, the weather is finally headed towards normal.  For the desert.  In June.  So 104 degrees slapped kabuki in the face this afternoon.  "Welcome to the desert, bitch!" Mother Nature hissed in kabuki's ear. "You forgot the humidity, whore" kabuki spat back.  Let us pause:  Should the recently discovered local dormant volcanoes suddenly erupt, one might look back with remorse.  Let us resume.  Kabuki spent many years in Washington, swamp-city, DC in the most ungodly months of summer IN FULL FUCKING BUSINESS DRAG.  Yes, we are talking sportcoat and tie, you don't pull down the big bucks or command respect in a polo and chinos.  Why kabuki recalls one particularly unpleasant august not so long ago.  kabuki was in his office. solving computer related problems, sipping on an iced tea when ther phone rang.  My kabuki-sense was tingling but i shoved it aside.  "Hello" my business persona said, "how may I assist you?".  Because in those days kabuki was all about the assisting.  At $37 bucks an hour kabuki will assist the hell out of things.  nuff said.  It was my Boss, a man kabuki admired and respected.  "Need a favor" he said, "Name it" kabuki said.  "Need some documents hand-carried down to the White House" boss said. "Why you telling me?" kabuki said.  "You are the only one currently available, the documents just arrived at your location by cab" Boss said.  "Hope the cab is waiting" kabuki said, "Sorry" Boss said.  Let us pause.  For the average person it may not be common knowledge that in the sweltering summer months cabs are impossible to find in our Nation's Capital.  They don't like to run the ac, so they all go hangout at the airport.  A pox on all of them. We can resume.   "So let me recap" said kabuki "You want me to walk from my office to the White House in a suit in August to hand deliver documents".  "That would be about it" said my fearless leader.  "I am gonna looked like a drowned rat when I get there" kabuki stated.  "A drowned rat with credentials and important documents" said my boss.  So for love of job and country kabuki schlepped down Pennsylvania Avenue.  We all know, it is an honor just to be called.  And kabuki did not answer the phone for the rest of August.  That is what voice mail is for. Wasn't that a fun anecdote?  I thought so as well.  Now, kabuki saw on the Craigslist that someone was selling a misting system.  Apparently it can lower the outdoor temperature significantly for those times you wish to frolic with nature.  Why was kabuki not informed of this?  Must kabuki learn of helpful and pleasant devices from the street?  What exactly do you people do, anyway?  Kabuki needs a misting system STAT.  Please contact the Army Corps of Engineers (or whoever) and get this project started.  You know in advance kabuki will be grateful, and shouldn't that be enough.  Does kabuki have to sweat?  eeeww,  it is almost 100 paces to the pool, suppose kabuki overheats.  Have you ever been in a kimono and white-face in August?  kabuki thought as much.  indeed.
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7 comments:

  1. i will never think of you in the same way again. delivering covert information to the white house, my god. shall i presume that this comment is being read by the CIA? is the FBI all over me?

    what the fuck did you expect the desert to be like in the summer?

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  2. There is no fucking "Misting System" in existence that will make 104 degrees pleasant. A "Misting System" is just mechanical sweating. Hunker down next to the AC and do not go outside until dark or October, whichever comes last.

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  3. will there be much pestilence? i was so hoping to avoid pestilence this summer.

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  4. Mistress MJ suggests installing a fog machine.

    And a confetti cannon.

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  5. I've told you before, must I remind you again: Pestilence is all in the mind.

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  6. And a bubble machine outside your bedroom window so every morning you wake up to effervescence.

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