Tuesday

There is a hole at the bottom of the ocean

There is a hole at the bottom of the ocean.  At the bottom of the hole - that is where grief lives.  Elmo my long haired chihuahua, constant companion of 16 years, lays dying beside me.  I am powerless to do anything about it.  He is the only being on the planet to spend that much time with me.  Even my parents didn't keep me around for 16 years.  Elmo never had a bad day, or at least never shared it with me.  I tried to prepare myself but could not.  His unconditional love spans both time and space.   I sit beside him, giving him cool water with a straw and I want to just run away and cry. forever.   My weakness sickens me. When I was first taken ill, so many years ago, elmo would stay in bed with me all day.  I would not have done the same for him.  I can barely stay in the house.   I played 'funeral for a friend' and went hysterical.  I am sure I would not be alive if not for him.  He gave my life both structure and purpose.  I am a better man for having known him.  There will never be another.  And I will never be the same.  kabuki is broken, and the world is a cold lonely place.  again.

At 9pm california time, Elmo died in my arms.  Rest in Peace my beloved friend.

14 comments:

  1. i wish i didn't, but i know your pain. and sadly, i'll know it again. there is nothing anyone can do right now to make your pain diminish, but that's okay. you have loved elmo with all your heart and now elmo's gotta go. that pain is a testament to elmo.

    i hate it that these damn pets can't live as long as us....HATE IT.

    i am so very sorry kabook.

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  2. Sad sad news. Like Norma I too feel the pain you are going through right now. Our pets are our family... I can only send you hugs...

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  3. Your wonderful boy died in the kimono-clad arms of an angel.

    Mistress MJ has sent you an email.

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  4. Sincere condolence Kabuki-san.

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  5. I am so sorry. The only downside to opening you heart to pet is that they are so full of life, yet they can't be with us forever. Elmo was lucky dog. Kabuki is an even luckier man for opening his heart to Elmo.

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  6. Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I think you were both lucky to have had each other.

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  7. Very dear friend, very sweet thoughts from me, and from Koko, and Boudi, and Mr. Muscato. The love we share with our dogs is something inexpressible, and what marvelous, immeasurable luck for Elmo that he had you, and for all those years.

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  8. Baby, I know. I hope you let yourself know what a good dog-parent you were to your little friend, and how wonderful it was for your Elmo to go in such loving arms.

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  9. Peace and blessings to you both...

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  10. What can i say that has not been said already. That you loved him and he loved you is paramount. That your loves were unconditional, supreme. That you'll miss him forever, unquestionable. I know how you feel, sadly I've been through it more than once. Sending hugs and love your way. Your friends are here for you, and we know your pain. ml

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  11. so sorry to hear about elmo...virtual hugs coming your way.

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  12. Kabuki,

    Miss Janey is very sorry for your loss. She knows from her own experience how painful losing one's baby and friend is. Console yourself with memories of better days and with knowing what a wonderful life you gave Elmo. You're both in Miss J's prayers.

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  13. I am so, so sorry for your loss. They don't live long enough.

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