What you see is my faithful companion Elmo. He is not sitting on the couch. Any dog can sit on a couch. Elmo is sitting on a velvet pillow that is on the couch. He is also reclining against a faux-mink throw. There is no reason for this type of behaviour. kabuki actually has no idea where he gets these affectations. kabuki is secretly appalled, for everyone knows kabuki is a simple soul. A cheap poly-cotton blend shirt dress and a glass of tepid tap water is all that is required to maintain kabuki's inner happiness. Yet all of kabuki's animal friends seem to think they are animal royalty. People must sneak into my humble abode when kabuki is not present and fill these animals heads with nonsense. kabuki knows for a FACT: if kabuki were to nail a fur coat or cashmere sweater to the ceiling this dog would defy gravity and take a nap on it. Why must kabuki be punished in this way? It goes against the laws of man to have animals pretend they are in the walled city in china, some emperor's spoiled pet. AND just because kabuki stayed in bed until 3pm someone pooped on the floor in the living room. All kabuki wants is for everyone to just get along. That and a good floor cleaner, because Murphy's Oil Soap left the cherry wood laminate floor a little lackluster, so kabuki had to rinse mop the floor. This took the fun right out of my 'nap till 3pm' event. Perhaps kabuki is just not supposed to have any fun. Oh well. pity party for one. Next time: how can a bird throw bird seed 20 feet from its cage, and then complain it is out of food. Animal madness in the desert!
Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie I was one with you in your pet sufferings, right up to the point of Murphy's Wood Soap faux pas. MWS is for exactly what it says, wood. What you are cleaning when dealing with a floor sealed with polyurethene (as most are in these declining days) is the layer of plastic over the wood. Laminate doesn't even count. Just use vinegar and water. Srsly. Yes, your house will smell like a big old douche, but it will be clean and it will teach your animals who's boss.
ReplyDeleteWELCOME TO KABUKI'S DOUCHE PALACE. what would i do with my peenee? thanks baby girl, kabuki loves ya
ReplyDeletewould someone PLEASE straighten that lamp shade?
ReplyDeletethank you.
Chester once tore a vintage Mildred Pierce fur to shreds when I was out. Little tufts all over the floor for him to play with.
ReplyDeleteElmo is trying to escape from the sofa pattern...at KABUKI'S DOUCHE PALACE.
ReplyDeletewhat else would kabook have but a flame stitch on the sofa.
ReplyDeleteThose companions get their behavior from You, you silly queen. Now tell these nice people the truth. EXACTLY how many pieces of cashmere (sweaters, jackets, blazers and tea cozys) do you own? Come on tell them.....
ReplyDeleteScrap this sofa.
ReplyDeleteHappy 4th of July, Kabuki-san!
ReplyDelete