Wednesday

Forget I'm a Lady


Sorry for the absence, that's on me dawg.  Spring got in the way, and kabuki was forced to decorate, redecorate, and then un-decorate.  Few people can handle all three phases of decor - but kabuki is a talented mega-star so no big dealio.  Onto exciting personal revelations:

If you can answer yes to some of the following questions - this blog is for you.

1.  Did you almost complete high school?
2.  Is it illegal for you to buy and/or consume alcohol?
3.  Do you have at least one child?
4.  Are you employed in the retail/fast food industry?
5.  Would your outfit be considered a poor fashion choice by anyone but you?
6.  Are you humming 'I am sexy and I know it' to yourself all day long?

I you answered yes to at least two of the above questions kabuki would like to clue you in.  School you, if you wish.  YOU WILL NEVER WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH ME!  You do not possess the necessary skills.  You do not have enough life experience.  You are vastly outgunned, circle the wagons, and raise a white flag.  If kabuki is engaging you in conversation it is because you are providing a service to kabuki.  A service for which you are being paid.  You can use the money to buy a tattoo of your baby-daddys name.  You can put it on your big fat ass.  You are not in fact the head of industry.  You do not own the establishment that was unfortunate enough to hire you.  If I call your manager you will be drawing unemployment.  Just suffice it to say that you will not, can not, may not and shall not win an argument with kabuki.  Should kabuki's head explode and my lifeless body crumple to the ground - you still will not win the argument.  (kabuki gets points for a dramatic exit).  So get me my damn hot apple pie and large iced tea - and god help us all if you spit in my tea.  Because kabuki will kill all your relatives.  Because iced tea is the sacred liquid of life for kabuki.  I asked for an iced tea with two splendas the other day.  The  young lady behind the counter put two splenda sweeteners into a cup, and then she added sweet tea to the picture.  The resulting beverage gave kabuki type 5 diabetes - and kabuki is still reeling from the initial sip of sweetened sweet tea.  Oddly enough, kabuki does not require large amounts of additional sweeteners.  Kabuki is sweet already.  And nice.  Did kabuki mention pleasant?  Because he certainly should.  Mention it.  Because pleasant is kabuki's middle name.  Kabuki Pleasant Zero.  Sounds like spring, doesn't it?  Because kabuki is all about spring.  And pleasantness.  So shall we all just agreee that kabuki is nice as all get out, and that an argument with such a pleasant person could be life changing?  Yes, kabuki can see that we all do agree.  Sigh, life is good again.  Suck it up, people.  (the pleasantness I mean).  And someone look into a 'cheesecake of the week' club.  Kabuki is interested  in receiving some cheesecakes.

11 comments:

  1. Forget I'm a lady

    No, that is not possible.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Did kabuki mention pleasant? Because he certainly should

    And I though Kabuki never used personnal pronoms when reffering to Kabuki.

    *hides Kabuki's katanas to prevent collateral damages*

    Hugs
    Jon

    ReplyDelete
  3. i went to a dating site and they asked the question, "what type are you?"

    I ENTERED TYPE 5!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Would kabuki prefer cheesecake in the mail to a blowjob tin bank?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. You best birthday suit. and kabuki longs to see you in it. hee hee

      Delete
  6. I'm sending you mental cheesecake as I type this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. if you would learn to guzzle coffee, like normal people.....

    ReplyDelete
  8. I see from the tone of your blog that you were still reeling from the sugar buzz that ice tea gave you. Perhaps a little Vodka would have helped to quell the speeding sensation you were experiencing.

    ReplyDelete