Tuesday

Now I need you I need you I need I need you I need you I need you

 
Thank you Miss Donna Summer.  Sometimes the girl knows where I am, and what I want.   Kabuki is packing, so things are dishevled.  Or I should say, kabuki is supposed to be packing.  Let me share my tale of woe.  It is not for the faint of heart, so hold on tight to each other.  kabuki awoke this morning all warm and cuddly, loving life and anticipating my many tasks not with a sense of foreboding but with the determination of that little ant who moved the rubber tree plant.  (children - go watch Laverne & Shirley).  As kabuki rose from the comfort of the bed a twinge made its presence felt along the left side of kabuki's neck.  'Oh Lord' kabuki cried 'Not  my neck, not know.  Take my big toe, my right butt cheek, but not my neck.  Sweet Jesus'.  But it was too late.  The left side of kabukis' neck locked up tighter than the back door of Fort Knox.  Fortunately kabuki is surrounded by family and friends.  Who are all extremely busy and pressed for time.  Apparently kabuki has been abandoned by east coast mankind.  The coldest cut of all.  When kabuki thinks of the love kabuki has attempted to share with the east coast, well kabuki could just spit.  Except that spitting is disgusting.  Nothing like a gorgeous man hocking a big ole lugey to ruin a mood.  Might as well pinch one nostril closed and fire snot rockets at the ground.  kabuki is not sure why anyone finds men attractive.  kabuki remembers standing a urinal trough when a beautiful man joined the affair.  He turned to kabuki and said 'It's my birthday'.  kabuki said 'Thats nice.  You are peeing on my sandal'.  Apparently some bizarre birthday ritual kabuki was not familiar with.  Must have missed that meaning.  (Note:  this was the last time kabuki wore sandals anywhere that intoxicated people might be urinating)  A lesson learned, thats for sure. But what does it mean kabuki?  Learn us please.

Kabuki has no damn idea what it means.  In a feeble attempt to salvage anything from today, kabuki applied muscle relaxers and what ever else might be appropriate to the insides of kabukis' digestive tract.  kabuki needs to be reminded that a life of debauchery coupled with an extensive medical history of 'tightness' has made it extremely difficult to relax, sedate, tranquilize, etc the kabuki mindstream.  kabuki pities the fool that slips kabuki a mickey.  All that occured was a heightened interest in watching jewelry television, interspersed with naps.  And by the way, Christian evangelical televangelist Jim Bakker is running out of mini-trampolines.  (just sayin')  If you want to bounce your way to fitness and godliness best to head over to church channel and order now.  Not for kabuki.  Muscle relaxers and trampolines sounds like a gas, but kabuki will refrain until someone is available to film the adventure.

So, what does it all mean dear reader?  In a nutshell, neck hurts, friends missing, packing waiting, bouncing fun.  And since kabuki napped off and on all day kabuki will probably be awake until thursday.  dammit.

10 comments:

  1. yes it is an old picture, i said i was busy packing didn't I?

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  2. That bitch is so pretty.

    And so is the dog.

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  3. Is that Kabuki's per hyena? Its gorgeous.

    Miss J hopes the Kabuki heals quickly. She knows well the stiff and sore neck.

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  4. Those lackey bastard 'friends' of yours. The only possible upside to any of this is what ever you have to leave behind...is less for me to have to unload when you get here. To California. Where your Actual friends live.

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  5. Hmmm, you look like you just saw a ghost. Nice sweater though. Are you SURE you just work up with the mysterious sore neck and you didn't do anything to aid and abett it?

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  6. Honey, it it still hurts, put ices on it. I know that doesn't sound appealing, but it helps. A bag of frozen peas: the white trash HMO.

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  7. What if I were to come over & slip Kabuki a roofie?

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  8. i can only hope that my tardiness has found your neck much happier. i hate reading stuff like that. you've got a job to do...you gotta get the hell outta there!

    as for the pissy pedicure, did any hideous kabooky dry skin slough off?

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  9. Why should I want your butt cheek?

    I already have your WIG!!!

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