Sunday

California Dreamin

kabuki could just scream.  Because, you see, the barometric shenanigans that foretell snow also set kabuki's pain meter to turbo. But do your worst mother nature - you bitch.  It's just pain.  kabuki can handle pain.  However kabuki is afraid of this years' cold & flu season.  kabuki has obtained the required flu vaccine (or so they said - it could be a tracking device), but kabuki doesn't know what strains of flu are covered.  Just today, while shopping in Target for a few items I saw a lady who was obviously contaminated with the dreaded HO virus (also known as the skank flu). She walked in the door, turned to wait for her man, and coughed full open-mouth on the exit door.  "Great" kabuki thought, "i'll just go out the fire door".  kabuki is moving in 3 short weeks, and does not have time for the skank flu.  You know it makes you get a 'tramp stamp'.  If you already have one (so sad), then you move up to a 'tittie tattoo'. Add some cheap jewelry and hair color,  people kabuki might not survive such an ordeal.  Once the other infected citizens (or white trash) saw what a delectable morsel kabuki was - well lets just say walmart would be catering the wedding reception.  (horror)
While we discuss horror, a certain JohnDoe clued kabuki into cam4 - a sex webcast debacle that will surely set mankind back 100 years.  But so worth it.  90 percent of the webshows are just male torsos - no head and nothing below the groin area.  While you would think this would appease the masses- it appears to only egg them on further.  "show your ass, show your feet, tickle yourself, pee on a grapefruit" - the demands are endless, and endlessly unusual.  There is a sexual identity label for the webstars - and kabuki will break it down for you.  If it says they are straight - they are bisexual.  If it says they are bisexual - they are gay.  If it says they are gay - sweet mother of god, turn off the computer, find a bible, and retreat to the living room coat closet, because they are scary as shit.  Of course kabuki dashed out to purchase a web camera, and cannot wait to open the first 'self-help' webshow on cam4.  Because i am not getting within a country mile of most of these children, and what most of them seem to need is a good solid boot to the forehead.  kabuki would have said ass but about half of them seem intent on inserting any manner of devices into the previously-mentioned orifice.  If that is your ballywick - well then good on ya, but airing it at 1080p for the world to see.  Ack!  Most people do not have a high-definition ass.  It is sad but true.  And sadder still that it was left up to kabuki to tell this to them.  It is a lonely road kabuki walks, but at least i know were it is headed.  Yes dear readers, it seems kabuki is finally headed towards Happytown.  Unpleasantville will soon glimpse kabukis' fine white ass for the last time as it heads west, with all matter of  accoutrements.  And kabuki will not be inserting any of them into any part of kabukis' body. And should kabuki accidentally fall on one of them while naked, kabuki will have the good sense to unplug the webcam first.  It has been said before, and now it is said again, "I don't do shows.  I am an artiste."  adieu

13 comments:

  1. I too adore you (like Kevin) but without the periods.

    That is why you must win in the kabuki zero vs The Polka Dot Queen...

    about to take place at Infomaniac.

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  2. Bitchfight.

    The word bitchfight should have been in there.

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  3. In my opinion, your ass looks great in HD.

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  4. The Golden West awaits (with trepidation.)

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  5. We're all goose-bumpy with anticipation out here. Atwitter, I tell you.

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  6. mj, you don't have periods? i thought you were younger.

    kabookalah, i have no hi-def TVs, so i won't
    be able to receive your show. a pity, to be sure.

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  7. mj: i knew that. i just get all fuzzy headed when i come to kabuki's.

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  8. I've just popped in to see what condition your condition is in.

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  9. Tittoos are so common aren't they? I made the mistake of greeting a friend who I met in town the other day with a cheery "Hello deary, how are you?" and she told me in a long, drawn out, boring account about the terrible condition of her bowels. "How are you?" is a salutation, a rhetorical question, but not for her, she took it as an open invitation to indulge in her favourite topic...her bowels. Mitzi will have to get out of the habit of using that greeting.

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  10. tittoo is my favorite word of the week. salute

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