Tuesday

A indepth look at LOVE (from the kabukizero minds' eye series)




They say in springtime a man's fancy turns to LOVE.  A man's fancy what?  They don't tell you that part.  They just leave you hanging out to dry.  kabuki has several fancy parts.  This is but a hint dear reader of the madness that will ensue when LOVE comes to call.  As soon as it sets its sight on you, you are basically LOVE's bitch.  Better men (and women, transgendered, mermaids, space creatures. etc) than us have tried to outrun LOVE.  We cannot.  We can only outlast LOVE, and that is an unpleasant scenario as well.  Let kabuki give you a small glance into the minds' eye of LOVE. 

The beatles sang "All you need is love, love is all you need'.  Cute but incorrect.  You will also need lunch, because LOVE is actually hard work.  LOVE will take from you everything, and give back nothing.  LOVE  will also take nothing, and give to you everything.  Confused?  Love is a two-sided coin, a double edged sword. a wendy's double with the works (that lunch reference may me hungry).  You can search for LOVE and not find it.  You can hide from  LOVE and have it find you.  You may find and lose the LOVE of your life (insert kabuki's dramatic life story here), may never know real LOVE, may bounce in and out of LOVE like a 4 year old jacked up on M&Ms.  (do not try this at home)  There are people that are always in LOVE with someone new.  They are idiots, and it is best to steer clear of them.  Unless you are one of them (no offence, how you doing?)

TAFKA or Prince sings "Baby if you want me to, I would die for you".  Real LOVE places your beloved in the foreground, with you bringing up the rear.  Self-sacrifice in the name of LOVE is a time honored tradition (according to poets and sages).  Duels fought, wars waged, kingdoms lost.  All in the name of LOVE.  Yet you cannot buy LOVE, nor can you sell it.  It cannot be contained, constrained, reclaimed, defamed, and a bunch of other rhyming words as well.  For kabuki, LOVE defined my being.  I was walking down a hallway in my highschool when I saw the face that was true LOVE.  It redefined my sexuality.  I simply could not imagine my life without this face.  I telephoned every single day for 5 years.  I followed this face across the country, several times.  We were closest of friends, the cruelest of LOVE's ploys.  I invested almost 20 years of my life to this face, as it was my quest.  And was completely unsuccessful.  Oh yes, kabuki knows far too well of LOVE's power.  To this day I would rather spend one night in my true LOVE's arms than an eternity alone.  It cannot be. And everyone in the universe but kabuki can see this as clearly as the blazing sun.  This is the path kabui will walk down a million times, and each time take the wrong branch.  Just for the chance to experience true LOVE.  It sounds demented.  kabuki is a brilliant, sane, attractive person with the world to give, yet kabuki could not shake LOVE's grasp.  Obsession?  Too small a word.  Mind crushing all emcompassing omnipresent LOVE, that's what it is.  What a horrid thing to do to a sentient being.

When Sinead O'Connor screams "I would kill a dragon for you", this is the sentiment  that defines LOVE best for kabuki.  It speaks of sacrifice yes, but of mythical beings and impossible odds and determination.  This song Troy, of unwanted advances and unrequited LOVE tears little pieces of kabuki off and floats them down the river of despair.  It symbolizes the dark and selfish side of LOVE, and kabuki will admit to time spent there.  Yet kabuki has moved past shame, accepted blame and finally put an end to the life long true LOVE horror story that tormented kabuki for decades.  kabuki has come to terms with this addiction, and realized he was powerless in its grasp.  kabuki even accepted that the face was more than likely deceased, and all hope long lost.  kabuki had a good cry, packed it away.  Then Facebook recommended the face as a friend (we had mutual friends in common).  kabuki has been on facebook since forever, and the week kabuki comes to terms with LOVE, the face joins facebook.  Tell kabuki LOVE is not alive and kabuki will laugh in your uneducated face.  There is  rhyme and reason to the universe people, there is a reason you are right here right now, there is a higher power.  It is LOVE, and kabuki is just sick about it.

Finally, David Bowie sings "With your kiss my life begins.  You are spring to me, all things to me.  Dont you know you're life itself?"  That is the new LOVE kabuki seeks, for kabuki is but a man.  And man is but a fool.  And fools are meant to LOVE.  I have recovered from my chance vision of the face.  Twas but a stumble along my path.  kabuki (having both natural grace and regal poise) quickly regained balance and composure.  kabuki is extremely proud of this.  having been alone since 1991 kabuki knows solitude is only pain.   You may remember kabuki no longer fears pain.  And as long as kabuki remembers that, life will continue and a new LOVE may appear.  No one can prove otherwise.  kabuki envisions a time when a new LOVE will exist.  As kabuki gazes into the abyss, new LOVE will grasp kabuki's hand and say "Don't scrunch up your face like that, people will think you are retarded".  That is LOVE.

8 comments:

  1. your most telling post yet; heartbreaking at it's core, but brilliantly superficial. all roads to love lead to you, yet the road has no pavement and the street signs are gone.

    you need LOVE GPS.

    i have some old esso road maps that i'd be happy to send.

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  2. Mistress MJ wishes you LOVE as befits a Goddess such as kabuki.

    However, she does not recommend GPS.

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  3. I can't (nor do I want) to add anything to this. I can only say I'm glad you're back in my life.

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  4. Thoughtful, provacative, painful to read and beautifully written. In the manner that only Kabuki can.

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  5. "A book that would break the heart"

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  6. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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  7. Love has still killed any man.

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