A cunning master of disguise - yes that is true. Eidetic memory - pehaps, kabuki cannot recall. But it is kabuki's complete disregard for truth and and utter disbelief in reality that allows kabuki to bring forth another set of completely unsubstantiated claims against people kabuki may or may not have even met. That is for the courts to decide. Shall we begin:
What canadian diva is said to be responsible for the scuttling of the long awaited justin bieber shower scene in 'Glee'? oh my
Which birthday girl is still reeling from the effects of a absinthe douche? And what initails-only do-gooder is reported to have carried same hot birthday mess home on his lavender scooter? hmmm
If kabuki were a betting person (i am not) kabuki would lay 5 to 1 odds that a hostile takeover of certain hollywood hotspots will happen by spring. (think F___x's Chinese Theatre) what?
Is a certain french residence undergoing massive renovations to include a 'day spa' for recovering jewelry designers and such? Is the addition of a Louis XIV garage really going to allow space for a 'zen hot house' (aka naked sex sauna)? one wonders.
What famous film star (here in our very midsts) is said to be working on a completely fresh accapella version of Whoop-up, a broadway musical unlike any other. Is famous husband slated to design backdrops solely out of balloons? kabuki is intrigued.
One hears, but does not believe, that a mega-star famous for her closeups was spotted in the Hollywood hills wearing only a tiara and clutching a small animal to her bosom. That animal later turned out to be an ermine muff, but that is not why we are here today, now is it? A trail of glass beads led all the way back to Sausalito, where she keeps her stable of show ponies. perplexed- so is kabuki.
Is a certain Mister about to shove off on a ninety-day cruise ship extravaganza? Said to be working on a tuxedo made entirely of dollclothing for his 'grand entrance'. (how couture) Kabuki's team of psychics pleads to 'stay home, or at least stay off the grand staircase'. kabuki can say no more lest the delicate veil separating truth and fiction be ripped asunder. bon voyage indeed!
Has our chain-smoking film-noir darling been permanently banned from the NASCAR winners circle? Seems hot cigarette ash accidentally set Ms America's dress on fire prior to the awards ceremony. Who doesn't wear flame retardant gowns nowadays? Melted polyesther can be oh so difficult to remove from trophies, as kabuki well knows.
Was a certain poisonous playmate seen flashing her vajayjay at Elton Johns' after party? All kabuki can say is the seafood salad on the buffet went untouched. Now you tell me.
And finally - what famous oriental megastar has been lured to the desert with promises of kabutzing with Hollywood royalty? And what same megastar was caught completely offguard to find out that scorpions are not the denizens of the desert. It is mummies. Two mummies, wearing matching purple tshirts were seen piloting a bmw convertible down Palm Drive yesterday. Can same-said megastar solve the riddle of the pyramids to stave off possible mummy infestation? can't say, cuz right now megastar is going to take a nap. adieu mon cheri