Saturday

No Man is an Ithmus


Whilst floating in my very own pool, reclining upon my very own pool float - demonic forces arrived.  (No not mexican children - they be scared of kabuki)  Rather, the built in radio went on the fritz - everytime a wave of water washed over the armrest, the radio changed to a christian station. This particular christian station featured a Jimmy Swaggart sermon.  He promised kabuki fire & brimstone if kabuki did not purchase his Study Bible.  Apparently ole JimJim has highlighted the Bible IN DIFFERENT COLORS!!!!!  Ba-zing. Just the thing for beating the word of God into Christian and non-Christian alike.  (kabuki refuses to name these non-christians because they take offense at everything.  They remind kabuki of thirteen year old girls - hatin on everybody). So instead of a gentle floating motion kabuki's pool float is surrounded by a frothing sea of maddness.  Kabuki can be seen pounding on the arm of the pool float screaming 'out out out you nasty pervert'.  Did kabuki mention the children are scared of kabuki?  Halloween is gonna be a blast.  Kabuki might not even  hand out candy, just jump out and take a piece from the little whippersnapper's candy bag.  Life is harsh, the children might as well learn it from a master.  Kabuki often sees the jealousy in the parents eyes when kabuki reminds them he is indeed childless.  Yes kabuki has animal friends, but you can sell them on Craigslist for Bingo money.  IT IS PERFECTLY LEGAL!! 

In other exciting news, kabuki was returning from a walk around Desperate Palms with Liberty (the adopted poodle).  Kabuki has nicknamed him 'Limberger', because puppy breath is a very bad thing.  SO ANYWAY, kabuki noticed someone has moved kabuki's little red wagon.  (no it don't need fixing)  What miscreant has trespassed and violated my beloved wagon?  OMG  My beloved Super Secret Straight Boyfriend has delivered to my very door, IN THE DESERT, a three foot clam shell.  Minutes later SSSBF saunters in. the cock of the walk.  "What?  Why? How? Why? And of course Why?"  kabuki gently asked the eye-candy.  "The guy with the landscaping business was gonna throw it out, so I asked him if I could have it for you.  Nice, huh?"  SSSBF replied.  Mark my words, kabuki is gonna give that stud-muffin a lil' sumthin-sumthin.  Are you feeling what kabuki is cooking?  kabuki thought as much.  Kabuki is returned, and the world is alright once again.

16 comments:

  1. Are you feling what kabuki is cooking?

    No. Mistress MJ is still waiting for your recipe submission.

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  2. goodness....he sounds like an Aphrodite on the halfshell himself!

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  3. It's quite nice that the fur has been removed...

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  4. ♪♫And they called it puppy love...♪♫

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  5. throw of the kimono, grease up the clam and have a kiki!

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  6. He is playin' you like a Woolworth's autoharp.

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  7. Darling, I don't know who you really are, but you go on with your bad third-person self. I love your blog.

    As a fellow desert-dweller (Phoenix), I empathize with your seasonal spontaneous combustion fears (you do fear that, right?). Having owned a Saturn, from its first production year, I'm chanting for you as I type. Rotsa Ruck, Kabuki.

    I'll be following your blog as time permits.
    Cheers!

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    Replies
    1. Bad third person self? You mean badass third person self. An you do not want Kabuki to. All Zeo on you as. Or o you?

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  8. You have a straight man bringing you tribute - just like Moses bringing Pharaoh the Nubian princess.

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  9. Darling, I am so jealous, for so very many reasons.

    Are you implying selling Mexican children on Craigslist is not legal? What am I supposed to do with this last bunch?

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  10. Sweetie, we're looking forward to hearing from you soon, unless you're still paying off the clam shell.

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  11. Is SSSBF one of Kabuki's animal friends? We gorillas give clam shells as gifts too.

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  12. Do you remember the handkerchief code when leather queens would advertise their sexual preferences and practices with an assortment of coloured handkerchiefs in their back pocket? Well, nowadays they do it with shells.

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  13. Happy New Year You Gigastar you!

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