Wednesday

It's a boy Mrs Walker, it's a boy!


kabuki was recently sitting in a piano bar in Palm Springs with one of kabuki's imaginary friends.  kabuki calls him Eddie Fingers.  kabuki and Eddie go way back, but even Eddie will admit that kabuki is a mystery wrapped in a silk conundrum.  "Tell me something" spouts Eddie.  Although imaginary friends are never hard to find - they cannot hold their liquor worth a damn.  "What would you like to know, Mr Fingers?" kabuki replied inbetween sips of a delicious beverage.  "A story, tell us a story" Eddie pleaded.  Eddie can be quite single-minded when hammered, kabuki felt it best to comply.  Plus kabuki likes to comply with other peoples wishes at least once a season.  It shows kabuki's inner child, that frail willed angel of sweetness that we all adore.  Yes even kabuki adores kabuki, and how could he not?

It was the 80's and kabuki was appearing at the Hollywood Bowl, theorectically as the opening act for The Talking Heads.  Everyone knew that kabukis' band. kabuki and the excessive pleasures, was the real reason anyone who was anyone would show up.  In the 80s anyone who was anyone were important people to have on your team.  If you catered to such behaviour - which kabuki did not.  The place was packed, the show was memorable, yadda yadda yadda.  However - unbeknownst to kabuki trouble was afoot.  Gunter - our neo-nazi stagehand was preparing an eventful evening - undoubtably to cull favor with the many skinheads that frequented The Hollywood Bowl,  A group of none, but Gunter was no rocket scientist.  Gunter could barely separate out the brown M&Ms, which he coveted.  Also Gunter was Egyptian - so there was much confusion about his name.  Many pregnant women were given weird pills by their doctors at this time, maybe that influenced Cleopatra. (kabuki is guessing his mom was named Cleopatra, as there is no proof) 

Anywho, Gunter was ahead of his time in one respect.  He had collected a large number of kittens who look like hitler.  (they are called kitlers - don't ask how kabuki knows)  Gunter planned to release these ferocious felines during the high point of the evening, thus wrecking havoc on the post-modern punk stylings of kabuki and the excessive pleasures.  It bears repeating that Gunter was an idiot.  Meanwhile kabuki is onstage performing the closing number of the set.  kabuki believes it was 'Windmills of Your Mind'.  The band played a toy piano and a slightly de-tuned bassoon.  kabuki was wearing a delicious Vivienne Westwood kimono.  It was made entirely of boy scout neckerchiefs and safety pins.  kabuki was mad mad mad for Vivienne Westwood during the 80s. ( kabuki blames the drugs )  Realizing that time is indeed fleeting, Gunter leaps into action.  He releases the kittens onstage, they head towards kabuki at top speed (note: kittens love kabuki).  The bassoon player steps forward to avoid trampling a little hitler kitty.  He steps on the back of kabuki's kimono - several safety pins let loose - and kabuki moons The Hollywod Bowl.  To the sound of "Windmills of Your Mind".  Pandemonium?  HA - it took 30 minutes to calm the crowd to pandemonium levels (kabuki has a fine caboose).  kabuki does not know how The Talking Heads set went that evening, as kabuki had some business to attend to.  Suffice it to say Gunter was never seen again.  And no one can really say why David Byrne wrote "Psycho Killer" soon after.  It probably has nothing to do with kabuki, or that night.  But some still say when the moon is high and the wind is low - if you listen very hard - you can still hear the pitter patter of little kitty hitlers across the stage.

10 comments:

  1. Now, was that bassoon that was out of tune: was it a regular bassoon, or a contra bassoon? Cookie needs to know.

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  2. what does Eddie Fingers do for an imaginary living?

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  3. My imaginary friend Vera Biscuits was there, and she overheard this whole story.

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  4. I can answer Felix's inquiry...
    My friend, country singer Martina McBride, is always telling her old stand by party story about how she and Kabuki were set to star in a lesbian prison film in the '80's but were forced to cancel due to scheduling conflicts. Anyway, the film was to be scored by some cocktailed associate of kabuki's named (you guessed it) Eddie Fingers.
    Every where you look, there's dirt.
    -an admirer

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  5. the simon weisenthal called;
    you've blown your cover.

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  6. I recently ALMOST adopted such a Hitler cat.

    But I knew the neighbor cat would not approve.

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  7. 5/20- hope there's a big,
    thick candle on your cake!

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  8. will be visible upon approval?

    oh really miss thingy?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your comment will be visible after approval.

    oh really miss thingy?

    ReplyDelete