Sunday

these are the times that fry mens souls

kabuki has come to you today dear readers, with a matter most important.  Having felt poorly for a couple of days, faced with plumbing woes, a shortfall of cash - and frankly, more troubles that one cares to mention in mixed company.  kabuki was laying in kabuki's extremely comfortable (and color-coordinated) bed ruminating on oh so many things troubling, when it smacked kabuki like a wet fish.  kabuki does not care for smackings directed in kabuki's direction, it must be said.  Sufficiently medicated, munching on a frozen girl scout cookie (don't ask), an epiphany of sorts was had.  Aliens, california's elephant in the room, were the cause of kabukis' problems.  Kabuki knows you are thinking Norwegians - and kabuki will admit that Norwegians are a scurrilous lot, but naynay dear reader, not this time.  Space Aliens - probably Martians - are the crux of the dire situation.  kabuki was discussing this very dilemna with Felix in Hollywood earlier today. http://felixinhollywood.blogspot.com/  Felix and kabuki both agreed on two key points: 1;  Aliens seem to favor the desert  2.  Aliens probably don't like to feel clammy.  Both points kabuki is sure the reader will agree with.  That is why kabuki favors the readers, because they are an agreeable lot.  As opposed to Space Aliens, who may well having been adjusting the thermostat in kabuki's very own GE Profile refridgerator.  As you may recall - that baby has like 8 lightbulbs.  Was it the bright light beaming from kabuki's  unit as kabuki concocted a late-nite snack?  There is not one shred of evidence to prove otherwise.  And why the fascination with all things kabuki?  (I kid)  Most sentient beings are fascinated by the giga-star kabuki, and all of the kabuki goings-on.  Who could blame them, really?  kabuki has exciting, adrenaline racing, miss the bus fun goings on.  Whether perusing the neighbor's garbage (cleverly set out as yard sale goods), going toe to toe with recalcitrant hummingbirds (kabuki relocated their feeder), even explaining food safety to a misinformed poodle.  People - normal people - do not have the type of day kabuki frequently has.  kabuki fears they would not last a week in kabuki's shoes.  (did you know kabuki has very attractive feet?  thought so)   Pardon - wandered a little off-topic there.  It is because kabuki cares so much, and out of that caring comes sharing.  kabuki is a fountainhead of information.  Both pleasant and not.  For kabuki pulls no punches my reader.  That is how sports injury happen.  So like kabuki was saying - can kabuki's dearest friend carry-on a large crystal chandelier when he flies coach cross-country?  Are crystal chandeliers considered threatening weapons?  Surely not to kabuki, who has a mirrored dining room that positively screams 'chandelier me'.  kabuki suggested stretching fabric over the bottom of the device, upending it, and now you have a crystal parasol.  And if the airlines have a policy regarding crystal parasols- well kabuki will never fly coach again.  (like kabuki was gonna fly coach - HA)


10 comments:

  1. I thought everyone had a crystal tote umbrella. Matching chucks are difficult to find though...
    -an admirer

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  2. All crystal chandeliers must fit securely in the overhead bin, or beneath the seat in front of you. In the event of a lighting emergency, you will directed to the nearest electrician who will install the chandelier for you. If you are unwilling to pay for the installation, please tell the decorator and he will exchange his seat with yours so that the chandelier may be installed.

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  3. I too feel that aliens have disrupted my timeline and skewed it into an alternate reality television show and one I'm afraid will soon be cancelled due to low ratings.

    So I plead with God.

    Then I ponder.

    Isn't God just another alien?

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  4. Where are the dangerous ducks?

    We were promised dangerous ducks.

    I demand a refund.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Why are there lightbulbs in refrigerators but not in the freezer compartment?

    The food in the freezer is less recognizable in frozen lump form than the food in the fridge.

    Isn't there more need to reverse this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kabuki has a lighted freezer. kabuki would suggest moving to America

      Delete
    2. I have spent years convincing MJ that a move to America would require an alien anal probe to try and keep the harlot up there where she belongs and now here you are luring her to our shores with promises of appliance magic.

      Delete
  6. What a dissapointment. I thought kabuki was flying kabuki's own private supersonic jet! What a dissapointment, may I repeat!

    *gets on flying saucer and sets off for Canadian artic desert*

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  7. Trust me, I also have a lighted freezer yet rarely do I care to peruse over the frozen remains of old lovers... Anyway, I waited all day for the white smoke to reveal the name of kabuki zero as pope however my faith has let me down (once again)-perhaps when the queen retires......
    -an admirer

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  8. We shall speak of the flying saucers no more......

    Zip it, Kabuki. You may have your green card but I am still on the down-low. LOL

    ReplyDelete