Wednesday

Driven to distraction

Cheerio my darlings, kabuki is back from yet another world-changing adventure.  But first - is anyone else totally creeped out by the 'shrimp taco' television commerical for Taco Bell?  EEEECH!  Fast food shrimp is simply a no-no.  Shrimp taco are two words that should never be in the same sentence.  Every time I see the ad I must cover my eyes and sing 'LALALA, LALALALA'  the theme song to The Bannana Splits Show.  I fear this may be a sign of things to come.  Chicken in Parchment with roasted spring vegetables - now on a stick!  At 7-11.  For only $1.99.  Get your lobster tail with dipping sauce at Burger King now!  I may never leave my home again.  
what's new with kabuki?  So glad you asked.  I have been working to keep the world safe.  No thanks are necessary, it is just what I do.  I mean,I would accept a lovely gift if you had your heart set on giving it to me. I am not a rude person.  But anyway, it seems some overzealous zealots had misappropriated a very dangererous toxin. The extremely nasty VOMITOXIN, which makes you throw up at the slightest glance of food.  The isrealis had originally developed it for their fashion models - you just can't be too thin on that runway.  Anywho, the subversive factions in the Isreali underground had stolen it, and were planning to use it against our neighbor to the north, our belovved Canada.  The bad guys did not like how Isreal fared in the winter olympics, and were goingto make everyone in Canada throw up until they were rail-thin.  And weak.  Then they planned to release crazed badgers en masse.  Imagine the horror.  Oh, the humanity.  So I, kabuki zero,who almost never throws up, (but is often kinda nauseous) was sent in to clean the mess up.  My legendary ninja skills were useless against the badgers,but my fantastic singing voice calmed the savage beasts.  I had snuck into Canada with a traveling production of  "Gypsy Rose Lee".  Dressed as Mama, I brought the badgers to tears, then rounded them up.  I am holding them for evidence, then I shall release them in the wilds of Tangiers.  Just my way.  The bad guys?  Thanks for asking.  My famous ninja skills were not lost on those creeps.  Beat downs for all.  Canada exported the whole lot to India, hope they toss them in that nasty Ganges River.  Holy - yes, disgusting - damn skippy.  And now kabuki is back, cleaning up after dimwits, and slowly creating a palace out of a pigs ear.  TA-TA for now,  my yummy cohorts.

6 comments:

  1. singoutlouise. And get this fucking badger off my ass.

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  2. I have a sneaking suspicion that by "badger", Mr. Peenee is referring to ME.

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  3. the nobel committee has been notified.

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  4. Does kabuki need someone to come round and bathe him in anointing oils?

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  5. My world is empty without you babe.

    Send us a signal.

    Give us a sign.

    ReplyDelete