Hats off to our hapless heroine

Recently I was in Ibiza with Hedy Lamarr and Natasha Bedingfield. Actually, Natasha was late (again), so we carried on without her. It's really all about manners, isn't it? an example: A young lady with a stroller almost ran me off the sidewalk. "you are stupid, and your monkey is ugly" I said to her. "It's a baby" the young lady shrieked. "Forgive me. You are stupid and your baby monkey is ugly" I corrected. See. Manners. This shows that kabuki cares. Deeply. So anyway, Hedy was wanting to dance, she is a techno-music maniac (who knew?), and kabuki was searching for hats. Hats, hats, hats. I've got a bee in my bonnet for hats. I will not buy and wear a hat in the same country. More than once poor kabuki has had to suffer the humiliation of seeing an intoxicated starlet fall out of a nightclub wearing the same 'one-of-a-kind' hat that kabuki is wearing. The cold tears of shame rolled down my face later as I had the hat designer dipped in cough syrup and thrown in to a rave party. So I was in Ibiza tryin' to get my hat on. Hedy will wear a hat or two, she just can't be bothered to shop for them, so I was shopping for two. As Hedy and I stepped off the curb a pink Aston Martin came careening around the corner damn near killing us both. "Curse you Mary Kay, your signature scent should be macaroni & cheese", I shouted at the car. I can't stand her or her mascara, just between us. Do you think I use too many commas in my dialogues? I worry myself sick about it. My stream-of-conscience writing style isn't for every one. Anyway, I found this cute little black hat with netting and diamonds, a hat if ever there was one. Picked up a little something for Lamarr as well. Then it was off to a nite spot to dance our cares away. I think I saw Anderson Cooper and Rihanna dancing on a big cube, surrounded by syncophants. Our cue to leave. Yet one more reason kabuki never schedules anything, kabuki just appears. Like a dream. Do you dance in your dreams? I do. Try Patti Labelle's
'Megusta tu baile'. Check it out. Its marvelous. And so are you.  Have I mentioned the unbelievable efforts required to acces the webternet?  Of course not, I dealwith pain in my own quiet way.  If I were to bring it up- I wouldlet on that it is an incredible pain in the ass.  I hope to soon remedy the situation, even if I have to turn my bed into a wifi hotspot!  stay tuned, and cross your fingers for kabuki-tv.  Hoping to bring your real-time deliciousness- in a taped format, of course.  love to you


  1. Shall I send you a tuque from Canada? I’m quite certain you’ll be the only one wearing such a hat in your part of the country.

    I don’t have a problem with your comma abuse at all.

    But there should be a space between the words “would” and “let” … unless you’ve just invented a word there. “Wouldlet”. Like a small grove of trees. Or a copse, perhaps? No, not a corpse…a copse.


    You turn me on. I’m a radio.

  2. I see that your comment box disapproves of quotation marks.

    Yet it's fine with your commas.

    It doesn't like my ellipses either, apparently. Although we all know I overuse THOSE so perhaps your comment box is trying to tell me something.

  3. I also overuse exclamation points!!!

  4. A streaming website of Little Miss Cooper performing unspeakable acts on your hats. Unless it's already been done.

  5. all i could ever find on ibiza was gloves.

  6. That Hedy has always been a madcap, inventing, dancing, acting, shoplifting! But then so are you.

    Fear not, as I remain,

    The Comma Queen.


  7. A TUQUE? Does it involve cheese curd? I absolutely won't wear cheese curd. Or gravy. Ever try and get gravy out of a kabuki wig? Of course you have.

  8. I've tried getting custard out of a kabuki wig which is basically the same thing.

    You make me feel like dancin'
    (I wanna dance the night away)

  9. I've got the Ibiza itch something rotten, I'm surprised you can't hear me scratching it over the French horns.