You are my starship, come take me home tonite

With feckless abandon kabuki has selected a new base of operations.  I don't see why people get so crazy about real estate.  I liked it, it was cheap, I bought it.  No I didn't visit in person, it's 2000 miles away.  I did look at several lovely pictures and speak with a most charming lady.  People - it is not like I dropped six figures.  We are talking mobile home in the desert.  Just how much would you pay?  Exactly.  And kabuki paid way less than that.  So it is a bit of a fixer-upper, at least kabuki won't be ripping up new stuff.  "Oh, I see you have selected a lavender brocade with splashes of silver for the kitchen.  How nice.  Do you think it will stand up to the heat?  (Of the blowtorch kabuki would have to take to it.  Have to, not want to.)  Surely you must have gathered by now that kabuki is a bit off the ordinary.  Why kabuki is expected to perform and behave like a sensible person now?  Kabuki has always been this way.  All my extremely interesting life.  And what is more interesting than moving to the other side of america?  Now you know why kabuki is so sought after for dinner parties.  No akward silences when the big k is dining with you.  "Did you know i once set myself on fire while chatting up a cutie in a bar?" OR "Did you know you can remove brocade wallpaper with a blowtorch?"  These are subjects that positively enhance any fine dining experience.  Trust kabuki in this, as you must trust kabuki in all things.  kabuki will never lie to you unless it is expedient to do so.  And that is why kindness is kabuki's middle name.  kabuki kindness zero - sounds like a missile launch code.  kabuki might have to rethink the middle name, to stave off an unwanted missile launch.  Although kabuki doubts the missile would be pointed at kabukis' new desert hq.  Best to be sure.  Housewarming hints - stove, fridge, washer & dryer, dishwasher, and some cute tea towels. Because you can never have too many cute tea towels.  Gotta go, need to hypnotize someone into driving cross country with kabuki, 2 insane parrots, a senile chihuahua and a truckload of Virginia wine (the perfect hostess gift).  We shall chat again soon, this is only going to get more interesting.  Ciao!