Thursday

Impotent Overlords of Internet Incur kabuki's wrath


Some rat bastard has decided that kabuki needs to pay for the use of high-speed internet access.  After ignoring their repeated (and annoying) emails begging for payment (blood suckers!) kabuki has no choice but to submit.  However, my recent move and excessive landscaping bills ($20 bucks at least), have left the coffers of kabuki in a sad state.  Having sold off all valuable belonging except internal organs kabuki thought he would plead with the masses for a one-time injection of love funds to keep the 24-7 access to asian ass porn (reference material) as well as email, etc available.  For as surely as my name is kabuki zero, planetary goddess of light and yummy spokesmodel celebrity, verizon will cut me off.  Since kabuki was planning on an economical lifestyle, my phone is actually a majic jack, requiring an internet access point.  Seeing as how everybody kabuki is related to will be calling in 9 short days to wish me birthday greetings and explain why they didn't buy me so much as a damn card, it would be nice to hang up on them.  This will require phone service.  It is so hard to hang up a cell phone nastily.  (working on it).  I am on top of most everything else, and my plan to increase monthly income is underway (think bonsai pot plants), so kabuki hopes to never again have to beg anyone for anything.  This of course is impossible.  Just today an older gentleman caught kabuki drolling over his porsche carrera cabriolet (it was blue.  porsche does a pretty blue) and kabuki had to beg himself not to beat the man to death and take his keys.  (he would have spattered blood on the interior, you could just tell he was mean like that)  So you see it is useless to pretend.  Fortunately kabuki is a master of pretending.  It is a little like self-actualization.  Edgar Cayce said to visualize your desires (i am paraphrasing here).  And kabuki desires to not have anymore disturbances to the life force of his universe.  This includes no broken appliances, no loss/interruption of service, no more damn dental surprises (hi, i'm a cavity!),  and so on.  And just maybe kabuki will still have the devil-may-care bravado required to go into costco (using my brothers admission card) and purchase the enormous chocolate oh-my-god cake that deserves its own kitchen counter.  Because it is just that grand.  Talk among yourselves, give a good look at that bright eyed youth that was kabuki 31 years ago, and let us all hope for a brighter tomorrow.  Although it is pretty damn bright in the desert already, maybe a gentler tomorrow. kisseys

1 comment:

  1. You were barely out of diapers in this photo!

    ReplyDelete