Time. I hate it. Wasted on the young, desired by the old. Poor people don't want it, rich people crave it. Only the idle rich really have time under control - and let's face it - you & I are about as far from that lifestyle as it is possible to be. I wait impatitently for my life to resolve itself, only to be disappointed at each and every turn. It is quite possible that kabuki should be depressed as fuck. Fortunately I have decided to be the master of my own fate. While not joyous, kabuki can still achieve an almost manic happiness. I learned to love myself ages ago, as it became apparent kabuki required more love than was being handed out by my family and friends. Simultaneously possesing both 'fragile ego' and 'indestructable self worth' kabuki has bounced between the highs and lows of life like a ping pong ball. Crazy or not kabuki has steadfastly continued down that long road to somewhere. Did I say somewhere? I meant somewhere else. kabuki has always wanted something intangible, unnamed, as yet unrecognizable. I do hope I know it when I see it. Because wouldn't that be a pisser? To finally arrive at ones' destination only to stop, pee, buy a slurpee, and continue on down the road. I must look into a karmic GPS unit. So as to know when I have arrived. I used to call this the 'pippin' syndrome. To feel that there is more to life than this. Perhaps I have been stuck in middle-age menopause since I was 12. kabuki was always an old soul.
As you see by the attached foto, I have been dining with the feathered friends. They don't seem to mind, and I allow them to watch kabuki. It tends to balance out. I watch them, they watch me. Surrounded by flora and fauna, I guess I am never really alone. Except in my dreams, for kabuki no longer dreams of love, lovers, and torrid nights under a desert moon. The other evening I dreamed kabuki was driving through town in a beige buick. I really must look into some psychodelic herbs or something. Need to liven up the unconcious mind - if you catch my drift.
kabuki has decided that switch between me, I, and kabuki is extremely annoying. Unfortunately kabuki has no plans to do anything about it. For the time being. As difficult as it is to even get a blog entry written, I will just have to put up with it. I have never really tried to put up with myself. kabuki may be breaking new psychological treatment protocols as we speak. But let us never speak of it again. I am already weary of my vast accomplishments, why add more jewels to my crown? Although they do flatter me. the jewels. in my crown. now all i need is a coat of many colors (that my momma made for me) and kabuki can safely descend into madness. and blame it on the heat. because it is hot. too damn hot to wear a coat, thats for damn sure. but as kabuki has said before (it bears reapeating) 'if you can't drag it - you shouldn't own it'. kabuki has just decided to apply that to all aspects of life, not just outerware. I no longer wish to own anything i can't drag.
until we meet again, and the case if solved - i am kabuki zero. know i am trying to rejoin the real world (both internet and face to face), and continue to wish me success in my endeavors. or not. because kabuki is still picking them up, and setting them down. capish?