Wednesday

Hats off to our hapless heroine

Recently I was in Ibiza with Hedy Lamarr and Natasha Bedingfield. Actually, Natasha was late (again), so we carried on without her. It's really all about manners, isn't it? an example: A young lady with a stroller almost ran me off the sidewalk. "you are stupid, and your monkey is ugly" I said to her. "It's a baby" the young lady shrieked. "Forgive me. You are stupid and your baby monkey is ugly" I corrected. See. Manners. This shows that kabuki cares. Deeply. So anyway, Hedy was wanting to dance, she is a techno-music maniac (who knew?), and kabuki was searching for hats. Hats, hats, hats. I've got a bee in my bonnet for hats. I will not buy and wear a hat in the same country. More than once poor kabuki has had to suffer the humiliation of seeing an intoxicated starlet fall out of a nightclub wearing the same 'one-of-a-kind' hat that kabuki is wearing. The cold tears of shame rolled down my face later as I had the hat designer dipped in cough syrup and thrown in to a rave party. So I was in Ibiza tryin' to get my hat on. Hedy will wear a hat or two, she just can't be bothered to shop for them, so I was shopping for two. As Hedy and I stepped off the curb a pink Aston Martin came careening around the corner damn near killing us both. "Curse you Mary Kay, your signature scent should be macaroni & cheese", I shouted at the car. I can't stand her or her mascara, just between us. Do you think I use too many commas in my dialogues? I worry myself sick about it. My stream-of-conscience writing style isn't for every one. Anyway, I found this cute little black hat with netting and diamonds, a hat if ever there was one. Picked up a little something for Lamarr as well. Then it was off to a nite spot to dance our cares away. I think I saw Anderson Cooper and Rihanna dancing on a big cube, surrounded by syncophants. Our cue to leave. Yet one more reason kabuki never schedules anything, kabuki just appears. Like a dream. Do you dance in your dreams? I do. Try Patti Labelle's
'Megusta tu baile'. Check it out. Its marvelous. And so are you.  Have I mentioned the unbelievable efforts required to acces the webternet?  Of course not, I dealwith pain in my own quiet way.  If I were to bring it up- I wouldlet on that it is an incredible pain in the ass.  I hope to soon remedy the situation, even if I have to turn my bed into a wifi hotspot!  stay tuned, and cross your fingers for kabuki-tv.  Hoping to bring your real-time deliciousness- in a taped format, of course.  love to you

La Vie en Kabuki


Spring arises and dances away, leaving behind beauty and renewal. Crap. My libido stirs. Damn, I thought I had driven in the last coffin nail. Lonliness gnaws at my soul like a rat trapped in a box. I reject the notion that there is someone for everyone. I see no proof of such a claim. Perhaps my mate is lost, somewhere in the sands of time. With a bit of a mind flip - we are into the time slip - and nothing - will ever be the same. (life lessons from The Rocky Horror Show) Twenty-five years of solitary existence is more than enough to numb the soul. And please - dear reader - do not respond with your own years of difficulties. This is not a contest, and I would like to selfishly dwell on myself (for the moment). I often wonder why I continue what seems a meaningless existence. My huge ego keeps me safe from harm, I am thankful for that. Although many have experienced similar highs and lows, no one has my unique life story. As only you have yours. Having bent reality to my will - if only briefly - I can tell you that having everything you desire is not quite as rewarding as it should be. (Although it ain't half bad.) As I continue to do battle with the universe I recognize that my approach may be wrong. Perhaps more of a 'go with the flow', zen-like approach is in order. Fuck that, seems like everytime I lay down I get run over. I must strive for what I want - it is part and parcel who I am. There may never be a kabuki one, but there is a kabuki zero. And don't you forget it.




and with all the changes you've been thru

it seems the stranger's always you

alone again in some new wicked little town

hedwig

Driven to distraction

Cheerio my darlings, kabuki is back from yet another world-changing adventure.  But first - is anyone else totally creeped out by the 'shrimp taco' television commerical for Taco Bell?  EEEECH!  Fast food shrimp is simply a no-no.  Shrimp taco are two words that should never be in the same sentence.  Every time I see the ad I must cover my eyes and sing 'LALALA, LALALALA'  the theme song to The Bannana Splits Show.  I fear this may be a sign of things to come.  Chicken in Parchment with roasted spring vegetables - now on a stick!  At 7-11.  For only $1.99.  Get your lobster tail with dipping sauce at Burger King now!  I may never leave my home again.  
what's new with kabuki?  So glad you asked.  I have been working to keep the world safe.  No thanks are necessary, it is just what I do.  I mean,I would accept a lovely gift if you had your heart set on giving it to me. I am not a rude person.  But anyway, it seems some overzealous zealots had misappropriated a very dangererous toxin. The extremely nasty VOMITOXIN, which makes you throw up at the slightest glance of food.  The isrealis had originally developed it for their fashion models - you just can't be too thin on that runway.  Anywho, the subversive factions in the Isreali underground had stolen it, and were planning to use it against our neighbor to the north, our belovved Canada.  The bad guys did not like how Isreal fared in the winter olympics, and were goingto make everyone in Canada throw up until they were rail-thin.  And weak.  Then they planned to release crazed badgers en masse.  Imagine the horror.  Oh, the humanity.  So I, kabuki zero,who almost never throws up, (but is often kinda nauseous) was sent in to clean the mess up.  My legendary ninja skills were useless against the badgers,but my fantastic singing voice calmed the savage beasts.  I had snuck into Canada with a traveling production of  "Gypsy Rose Lee".  Dressed as Mama, I brought the badgers to tears, then rounded them up.  I am holding them for evidence, then I shall release them in the wilds of Tangiers.  Just my way.  The bad guys?  Thanks for asking.  My famous ninja skills were not lost on those creeps.  Beat downs for all.  Canada exported the whole lot to India, hope they toss them in that nasty Ganges River.  Holy - yes, disgusting - damn skippy.  And now kabuki is back, cleaning up after dimwits, and slowly creating a palace out of a pigs ear.  TA-TA for now,  my yummy cohorts.

Tuesday

Are you with me Doctor Wu?

bedhead becomes me
kabuki requires a large amount of sedatves.  Before you go off half-cocked (which I never do), rest assured they are not for me.  Neither are they for you, dear readers.  They are for everybody else!  Humanity can get on my damn nerves.  nuff said.  Let us begin:

Recently I was in Balanga with Golda Meir and Rush Limbaugh.  Golda was looking for a villa.  I personally refuse to stay in a building with 'ill' in its name.  I was scouting locations for a new reality show, tentatively titled 'how far can i get away from you'.  Rush was tagging along like the little fat bastard he is. Hoping some class might fall off him.  Golda and I were having cognacs, Rush had something with an umbrella in it. I really can't stand him.  Golda whispered we should get him drunk, festoon him with crepe paper, and tell the local children he was a PiƱata.  I wanted to charter a boat and dump him several miles offshore. To test that whole 'no man is an island' concept.  (Now you see why we brought him along.)  I don't think it is soo bad to pick on the truly horrible people, do you?  Every time he would try to speak we would shush him. Makes him crazy.  "Shush rush", we would say, "try and behave like Coco Chanel".  "But she's dead, right?", he asked.  "Only to you" we would  say, and then Golda and I would laugh until one of us peed a little.  Good cognac always has that effect on me.  Great cognac doesn't, but where are you gonna find great cognac on Balanga? With Rush Limbaugh in tow?  You see my point.  Next time I'll try Monte Carlo with Glen Beck. Maybe I can lose him in a game of Baccarat.  People - I am on to something here. Left us grab all  the conservative political commentators we can, and dispose of them in unique and exciting ways.  Except for G Gordon Liddy, because he is a brilliant entertainer in a crazy kind of way.  And it is truly a crazy kind of world.
that's all for now - still setting up shop.  bye

Thursday

ennui - I reek of it.

Yes folks, it is another tape-related incident for dear kabuki.  You never know how exciting household goods can be - until you try.  Always remember these5 little words "I meant to do that".  Tell people you saw it in a magazine.  I've been using that excuse for years.  Like I need an excuse. Back when I was an employed kabuki I was almost always dressed to the tits. It helps keep the riff-raff in their place.  More than once I told an employee "because I (the boss) said so.  work is not a democracy"  Anyway, I developed the habit of appearing at the various nitespots in my work clothes.  Why go and change?  I can look fabulous for more than 8 hours in one outfit, it is my right as the prettiest ballerina in the world.  As I was saying (before I interrupted myself) I would sometimes turn my sport coat inside out, to display the extraordinary lining.  Of course I would wear it that way for awhile, then reverse it back before driving home. The Man don't need no  reason to pull kabuki over - no maam.  A few fashionistas were quite plucked that I would brazenly break established 'sport coat protocol'.  I announced that not only was I above 'sport coat protocol', I would continue this behaviour until it was adopted as fashion by someone unknown to myself.  It took approximately 4 weeks before a twinkie strolled into the club, sport coat inside out.  I tell you this because fashion becomes overbearing when the fun is removed.  If you don't enjoy putting it on - then you should take it off.  Also hutzspah counts.  I look good in it because I feel good in it, even if you do insist on undressing me with your eyes.  We both know you do it.  That is why I shall try and appear naked more often. Just to help you out.  Because kabuki cares about fashion and you.  kabuki can do both. 
Still setting up shop, new kabuki photoshoot on the way.  Just waiting for the hyperbaric chamber and some chandelier earrings.  loves you much - kthxbai

From the mind of kabuki - a new and exciting place


I am moving into my new apartment.  Someof my things were with me in Fredericksburg, the rest of my items are in my old home, which is right next door to my new place. I am doing most of the moving myself - and it is tiring,  My current web access is free wifi 1 mile away.  Bear with me for just a little longer - all will be well.  I am much happier in my new digs, a new pad for kabuki.  I miss you all terribly (except for you, and you know who you are), much smoochies comin at ya.  kabuki
ps my beauty diet is working, just LOOK at me!