No stranger to Love

kabuki was grocery shopping for kabuki, the ancient chihuahua, and the 3 feathered maniacs that live with kabuki.  Walking into the store was a young girl. Maybe like six years old.  She was wearing green and blue mens flannel boxers, a pink and white nylon windbreaker zipped to the neck and black hurrache sandals. Outside it was 102 degrees.  Either this girl had it all going on, or the rest of the world did.  I sided with her.  Sometimes you have to step out of your safety zone. 
Sadly, lest us pause for a moment.  Kabuki's chocolate easter bunny has disapeared.  Last seen mocking kabuki. It is to cry.

Wanting to help the world kabuki took a brief 'cleanse' by the Aegean Sea.  Everybody is doing it, so kabuki thought 'lets go throw some coins at the greeks.  they invented butt-sex.'  kabuki had a suite waiting on the lovely island of Myhernia, very exclusive.  "Spiritual and/or Physical cleanse?" asked the insouciant counter-clerk.  kabuki leaned over the counter and smacked the nice little man.  "Just the Physical then" and signed kabuki up.  "The kabuki has an inner spirit as cleansed as the aegean is blue" , kabuki intoned "and that will cost you a fruit basket".  Kabuki loves the fruit baskets.  Tossing fruit out the window in moments of boredom can liven any vacation.  You are welcome.

So day two of the grape leaves and olive oil cleanse had kabuki feeling a little shaky.  "kabuki, your antioxidants are low" kabuki said to kabuki-self.  kabuki then proceeded to modify the cleanse by adding unlimitied amounts of cheap red wine.  Who knows kabuki's body better?  Exactly.  Sufficiently fortified kabuki slogs on.  Is slog a word?  Is blue cheese disgusting?  Did kabuki bring home any souveniers from the isle Myhernia?  Some many questions.  Answers to all of them kabuki will offer next time.  αντίο

Adrift in a Sea of Indecision

Not  really.  Well maybe a little .  Oh who knows?  We all care, so don't be frontin'.  kabuki will explain the latest Home Madness cover.  kabuki really has a way.  With whatever, not so much with whenever.  kabuki wants it all.  now.  please.  bitches.  thank you.  We will check-in on the homefront a bit later on.  This past Sunday kabuki was having a delightful brunch at http://www.acqua-pazza.com .  (It means crazy water)  It was kabuki, Linda Hamilton and Hamilton Beach.  Yes, there really is a Hamilton Beach.  Swell Fella, gave everybody a blender.  While waiting to be seated al fresco kabuki dryly intoned that had kabuki known it was Louis Vuitton Sunday Brunch that kabuki would have brought one.  At that precise moment TIME STOPPED.  In strolled a 60 year old STONE COLD DEAD FOX.  Dark aquamarine silk patchwork sheath dress.  Bunches of seed pearl strands and one large white Chanel bag.  Tucked in her armpit.  kabuki mentally and silently screamed 'No more entries, we have a winner!'  kabuki should have flat gone for it, but feels the lobster rolls would have been witheld.  alas. 

So the photo is my little 1965 love shack.  Coming along, coming along.  And right across the way sits the vacant double wide that belonged to the original park owner.  With the back wall of sliding glass doors leading to the deck that fronts the duck pond.  (I shall rename it Lake du Canard later).  A large mid 70s unit, last occupant little south of the border lady.  The place screams 'Foxy Brown Love Palace West'.  kabuki would need orange shag carpeting, and would search for same.  Probably find some in minnesota (or canada).  You see kabuki wants it, and made a bold cut-throat move to acquire this little pretty home, cuz that is pretty much how kabuki rolls.  Feel free to kick in a few large to help with paint.  Lots of it.  Of course kabuki said 'the kabuki kitchen appliance kollection' must go with kabuki.  kabuki's refridgerator has like six light bulbs.  Damn serious people, six damn light bulbs.  kabuki giggles wickedly.  at nite.  alone.  in a resort town.  six.

So kabuki shall wait it out.  Will kabuki stay in the mid-century or move boldly into the 70s' love machine disco train?  Felix says kabuki needs a Monte Carlo to park in front of the new place.  Anybody want to hook kabuki up?  vroom vroom kabuki says 'damn skippy'.

Forget I'm a Lady

Sorry for the absence, that's on me dawg.  Spring got in the way, and kabuki was forced to decorate, redecorate, and then un-decorate.  Few people can handle all three phases of decor - but kabuki is a talented mega-star so no big dealio.  Onto exciting personal revelations:

If you can answer yes to some of the following questions - this blog is for you.

1.  Did you almost complete high school?
2.  Is it illegal for you to buy and/or consume alcohol?
3.  Do you have at least one child?
4.  Are you employed in the retail/fast food industry?
5.  Would your outfit be considered a poor fashion choice by anyone but you?
6.  Are you humming 'I am sexy and I know it' to yourself all day long?

I you answered yes to at least two of the above questions kabuki would like to clue you in.  School you, if you wish.  YOU WILL NEVER WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH ME!  You do not possess the necessary skills.  You do not have enough life experience.  You are vastly outgunned, circle the wagons, and raise a white flag.  If kabuki is engaging you in conversation it is because you are providing a service to kabuki.  A service for which you are being paid.  You can use the money to buy a tattoo of your baby-daddys name.  You can put it on your big fat ass.  You are not in fact the head of industry.  You do not own the establishment that was unfortunate enough to hire you.  If I call your manager you will be drawing unemployment.  Just suffice it to say that you will not, can not, may not and shall not win an argument with kabuki.  Should kabuki's head explode and my lifeless body crumple to the ground - you still will not win the argument.  (kabuki gets points for a dramatic exit).  So get me my damn hot apple pie and large iced tea - and god help us all if you spit in my tea.  Because kabuki will kill all your relatives.  Because iced tea is the sacred liquid of life for kabuki.  I asked for an iced tea with two splendas the other day.  The  young lady behind the counter put two splenda sweeteners into a cup, and then she added sweet tea to the picture.  The resulting beverage gave kabuki type 5 diabetes - and kabuki is still reeling from the initial sip of sweetened sweet tea.  Oddly enough, kabuki does not require large amounts of additional sweeteners.  Kabuki is sweet already.  And nice.  Did kabuki mention pleasant?  Because he certainly should.  Mention it.  Because pleasant is kabuki's middle name.  Kabuki Pleasant Zero.  Sounds like spring, doesn't it?  Because kabuki is all about spring.  And pleasantness.  So shall we all just agreee that kabuki is nice as all get out, and that an argument with such a pleasant person could be life changing?  Yes, kabuki can see that we all do agree.  Sigh, life is good again.  Suck it up, people.  (the pleasantness I mean).  And someone look into a 'cheesecake of the week' club.  Kabuki is interested  in receiving some cheesecakes.

Silence is wrong

Today kabuki would like to share a tale told to him by his neck doctor.  With this years' International Tango Competition drawing near kabuki felt it was time to repair his trick neck.  (While not formally entered, it is widely understood that kabuki may be called into service at a moments notice.)  Anywho kabuki was at his fancy-schmancy rheumotologist today.  Upon entering the building kabuki noticed it was dedicated to his doctor "Oh boy, this is gonna be expensive" kabuki thought.  kabuki also thought it was kinda gauche to have an office building dedicated to yourself.  just sayin.    So here we are, doctor and patient, con-fabbing, whenst kabuki notices the sparkley diamond ring the doctor is wearing.  It is quite similar to the ring kabuki sold several months ago.  It is an old unusual style.  Kabuki mentions this and the doctor says there is a story that is connected to the ring.  Here is that story:

A man, his wife and their two children were rounded up in germany by the Nazis and taken to the train station.  They would be going to Auschwitz.  Auschwitz concentration camp was a network of concentration and extermination camps built and operated by the Third Reich in Polish areas annexed by the Nazis.  The man turned back at the train station, and was shot dead on the spot.  The woman and two children were put on the train.  They were met by Dr. Josef Mengele.  Mengele was also known as the Angel of Death.  The boy aged 11 was sent to the gas chamber, the woman told the girl to give her age as 15, so she might be sent to a labor camp.  She was actually 13.  When Dr Mengele questioned the girl he discovered her true age. It seemed that Dr. Mengele had a way with children.  (I find this fact to be horrific) The girl was also sent to the gas chamber.  The woman became one of Dr Mengeles' house maids.  She served until liberated by the Allies.  When freed she weighed 55 pounds.  She fled to brazil, eventually migrating to America.  She had no family, and was eventually welcomed into the doctors' family as a long lost aunt.  She contracted a virulent form of cancer in her twilight years, and asked the doctor to please allow her to live out her life without pain.  The doctor assured me that this was indeed the case, as she surely deserved no less.  Upon her deathbed she gave away her few possesions.  Having lost everything so long ago she had never really accumulated belongings ever again.  Her house was given to a kind neighbor, her car to the gardner, and her husbands wedding ring was given to the doctor.  35 years later he wears it to remind himself that he really never has a bad day. 

If you remain silent when they come for me, there may be no one to cry out when they come for you.

                    kabuki zero

On this day in History

On this day, exactly one year ago, kabuki zero trans-located his pretty white ass to California.  Swimming pools, movie stars.  Can you dig it? (i knew you could)  Ah - the joy that is my new existence could only be improved by:  blue porsche, sexy movie stars and one large ass bank account.  Of course kabuki realizes how shallow this seems - too bad soo sad.  You asked.  I felt your question in my mind.  Quite handy - these pyschic powers.  Is it the high power lines overhead?  The windmills that dot my ever-so-scenic desert valley landscape?  Or just the continuing evolution of the kabuki?  The answer is WHO CARES!!  Kabuki got hot psycho kinetic power and is not afraid to  use it.  Don't make me angry, you really wouldn't like me angry.  (i kid, you will always adore kabuki - it is your nature)  If you hear  of an Old Navy store exploding - well - you have been warned.  icky things can often be found hangin on racks at Old Navy (or so my spies say, kabiki has yet to step foot in one)  Might as well go to a MALL.  OMG - can you imagine the horror. kabuki would simply go to an Orange Julius stand, order a hot dog, and die.  Would not even need to eat it, just ordering it would be toxic to kabuki.  Kabuki remembers from long ago, when kabuki's mumsie was still around.  One day she says to kabuki "I had a piece of pizza from 7-eleven.  It was not very good".  "Imagine that" kabuki replied, making a mental note to hide mumsie's car keys.  Apparently madness exists in the kabuki family tree.  Let us hope it never strikes our delightly personable star (ME).  Yes kabuki has often been the sanest person in the room.  Usually it is at family gatherings - but it happens elsewhere as well.  Kabuki remembers from long ago (my memory is scary - ask around) when kabuki and several hundred inebriated patrons of local nite spot Lost & Found were watching drunk ninnies light fireworks on the roof of the same said nite spot.  It was Sunday tea dance, it was july fourth, and we were on the lovely deck enjoying the festivites.  Suddenly a medium-sized fully lit firework fell off the roof and landed in front of our bar patrons.  It lay sideways on the deck spewing its glittering death flames towards one and all.  And nobody moved.  "OH MY GOD" kabuki yelled "DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING", at which point kabuki walked over and stomped out the flaming firework with mine own size seven disco shoe.  "Problem solved LADIES" kabuki said to the applauding crowd of nancy boys.  And people wondered why kabuki so rarely dated.  If kabuki is the butchest thing in the room - well you know.  Anyway - happy anniversary to me and my beloved bloggites - who would never watch the internet burn.  They would help kabuki stomp out the flames.  Because they rock.  And they are you.

And now for something completely different

Last seen in Romania fleeing the Big Bad Wolf, whatever has become of our hapless heroine?  Stay tuned for life changing news.  (Eastern Europe has gone to the dogs - if your askin)

What a curious world we inhabit - kabuki style

Early, raw footage of KABUKI ZERO messing with the video camera.  Better get ready for the paparazzi.