Dr. Love (only he fills my prescription)

Is my head dissolving?  What have they done to me?

I am at my in-laws recuperating from my ordeal.  All went as well  as could be expected - sort of.  We await biopsy results.  As I went to a teaching hospital - if I charged admission to my room the procedures would have paid for themselves with enough left over to send nurse #3 back to IV class. (nuff said).  I arrived at my destination early, hunger gnawing at the root of my being.  Information directed me to the hallway next to the CAFETERIA, those bastards!  Looking back, it was probably a smart decision to house Digestive Health at that location.  I entered the waiting room, leather chairs in green & purple.  (That's probably why they don't let you eat.  naseua)  The waiting room looked like a bruise.  Flat screen televisions on opposing walls blared.  It was 6:30am.  Left wall tv - Good Morning America.  Right wall tv - a movie channel.  What movie? I don't know.  A man and women screeching at each other like howler monkeys, then a lot of moaning. (I think she stabbed him, I would have).  Waiting Room - devoid of life.  Eventually a lady sat at the reception desk.  I handed her my paperwork, she handed it back.  She then handed me blank forms to fill out.  (They were very similar to the forms I handed her, the forms I had been instructed to bring with me.)  Schadenfreude.  My brother (my driver), disappeared to smoke a ciggy.  He had to go miles away, I wished him well. 

  They eventually took me in a backroom, removed my garments, gave me a gown large enough to cover a buick, and footies.  Actually I demanded the footies - they were darling!  (the little things mean so much)   A barrage of doctor/students, doctor/teachers, nurse/sadists, nurse/comedians and too many other people to list paraded through.  I noticed someone came in the next room with a police escort.  A rather large police escort.  How extremely inappropriate.  There were no paparazzi, they would have been dogging kabuki anyway.  Safely esconced in an amazingly uncomfortable bed - they wheeled me into my procedure room. 

  While all this madness was going on, people kept asking me why I was there.  Like it was a seance. "Tell us why you are here?  Give us a sign!"  I would tell them about my two procedures - they would say no, only one procedure.  I would say "OK", they would ask why I thought I was having two procedures.  I would say "Because that is what my Doctor told me".  They would ask me if i 'wanted?' the second procedure and I would say 'not particularly'  and then they would go away.  I finally told the last person who asked me that I was there for a little liposuction and a cheeseburger.  It must be the long hours, the medical community has no discernible sense of humor.  kabuki is a very funny person in the flesh. (I believe this has been covered in chapter 1.)

 Doctor/Student and Doctor/Teacher were in the procedure room, as well as several nurses I had not seen before.  I told each nurse in turn 'You look beautiful today."  Then I asked her to marry me.  One nurse said "We're not the ones operating the scope".  I informed her I was going to flatter everyone in the room regardless of their role.  (the little people so often go overlooked, and a blanket "I would like to thank the academy" just is not enough.  Sharing - look it up)  Doctor/Student came over, refused my marriage proposal, and said "Looking at your chart, it seems you are scheduled for two procedures".  "Imagine that" I said not so sweetly.  Hunger was rapidly damaging my cheery disposition.  That and stupid Doctor/student people.  "Your choice" doctor/student said.  "I am here, I am naked, I haven't eaten anything in 36 hours, lets do this thing"  I stated.  "OK", she replied, and nurse put the good stuff in my IV.

  I was supposed to go 'twilight' for the butt-camera, and 'dark' for the throat-camera, but I have no more memory.  I am pretty sure they tortured me.  "Beauty Secrets, tell us your beauty secrets" they probably demanded.  I know my ninja mind-training held up.  If only they would just read my blog.  It would be a kinder, gentler world if only they would read my blog. 

  I awoke back in my little back room, brother and nurse #3 were there.  Probably conspiring - I have my suspicions.  "Oh nurse, I thought I was going 'twilight'?  Why do I not remember a damn thing?"  I inquired.  "Oh, the 'twilight' drug causes amnesia" she replied all medically-like.  "What you talkin bout Willis?" I tossed out.  She stared into space.  "No one mentioned this to me, and I have spoken to half the staff" I offered up.  "Oh" she said, and that was that.  "By the way, we only did the one procedure.  The Doctor ran out of time"  she informed me.  Was this a new game show?  'Beat the Operating Room Clock' a merv griffin production.  Maybe Doctor/teacher had a luncheon appointment?  Maybe he could not stand Doctor/student another minute.  I can't say - because I have amnesia.  I feel like a soap opera episode (or three).  "Doctor, will kabuki ever walk the tightrope again?  Will the amnesia make him forget his love of spelunking?"  Stay tuned.

  It does appear I will recover.  Procedure two will be another exciting adventure.  I should write it down.  Oh yeah. Nevermind.  Thanks to my well-wishers, your good wishes were felt by my heart.  It did lift my spirits to know I had people pulling for me.  just remember - kabuki got your back.  peace.