It is Sunday night, 11pm. I smell like gingerbread bubble-bath and pantene. I have consumed one cup of chicken broth in the last 24 hours. The gallon of solution I drank to cleanse my innerds tasted like watered down paint thinner. (Modern medicine really pisses kabuki off. ) I shall undergo two procedures in about 8 hours. I am unusually nervous about them. Everytime I pass out of sight of my parrot he shrieks, completely out of character. He held my hand and threw-up on me. What a sweetheart. A simple "what's in my water?" would have sufficed. My sister-in-law managed to make the entire house smell like food most of the day. What a cunt. I shall leave this hell this week, one way or another. My brother called to wish me luck, and argue about my upcoming move. Earlier this week my brother-in-law tried to delay my move into the apartment above his home. This winter has been one large cluster-fuck. I learned long ago not to second guess myself, doubt my intuition, or let people talk me into doing something I knew was wrong. Drugs, illness, momentary lapse-of-reason - whatever, I let it happen. I was cajoled into my current situation. What an ass am I.
One of the problems with single life is that you are always in charge. I grow weary of that responsibility. At work, at home, in a restuarant, social gatherings, it can be overwhelming. If only for 30 minutes, let somebody else deal with it. kabuki would like to rest. Can't anybody else make a fucking decision? What I meant to say is 'can't someone with my best interests in mind make a fucking decision?' I am surrounded by people that try and make decisions for me. My brothers, sister, sister-in-law, doctors, lawyers, goverment, insurance company - I'm sure I left some people out. Please forgive me. And do feel free to suck it.
A beam of light has been the communication with the real world I enjoy in this blogosphere. Wit, wisdom, kindness - I have dispensed them all. OOPS I mean I have basked in the glow of your magnificence. Each and every one of you (except YOU - and you know who you are). I would hug you all, but I really did just wash my hair. There. I have managed to blog my way out of both my depression and my anger. Please submit your bill, and I will put it in a very special place. Best of luck to us all. Especially me - I feel like I need it. Ciao, kabuki zero