kabuki gets the jitters

It is Sunday night, 11pm.  I smell like gingerbread bubble-bath and pantene.  I have consumed one cup of chicken broth in the last 24 hours.  The gallon of solution I drank to cleanse my innerds tasted like watered down paint thinner.  (Modern medicine really pisses kabuki off. )  I shall undergo two procedures in about 8 hours.  I am unusually nervous about them.  Everytime I pass out of sight of my parrot he shrieks, completely out of character.  He held my hand and threw-up on me.  What a sweetheart.  A simple "what's in my water?" would have sufficed.   My sister-in-law managed to make the entire house smell like food most of the day.  What a cunt.  I shall leave this hell this week, one way or another.  My brother called to wish me luck, and argue about my upcoming move.  Earlier this week my brother-in-law tried to delay my move into the apartment above his home.  This winter has been one large cluster-fuck.  I learned long ago not to second guess myself, doubt my intuition, or let people talk me into doing something I knew was wrong.  Drugs, illness, momentary lapse-of-reason - whatever, I let it happen.  I was cajoled into my current situation.  What an ass am I. 
  One of the problems with single life is that you are always in charge.  I grow weary of that responsibility.  At work, at home, in a restuarant, social gatherings, it can be overwhelming.  If only for 30 minutes, let somebody else deal with it.  kabuki would like to rest.  Can't anybody else make a fucking decision?  What I meant to say is 'can't someone with my best interests in mind make a fucking decision?'  I am surrounded by people that try and make decisions for me.  My brothers, sister, sister-in-law, doctors, lawyers, goverment, insurance company - I'm sure I left some people out.  Please forgive me.   And do feel free to suck it.
  A beam of light has been the communication with the real world I enjoy in this blogosphere.  Wit, wisdom, kindness - I have dispensed them all.  OOPS  I mean I have basked in the glow of your magnificence.  Each and every one of you (except YOU - and you know who you are).  I would hug you all, but I really did just wash my hair.  There.  I have managed to blog my way out of both my depression and my anger.  Please submit your bill, and I will put it in a very special place.  Best of luck to us all.  Especially me - I feel like I need it.  Ciao, kabuki zero 


  1. I am writing to request a photo of you in your hospital gown ... taken from behind. The PHOTO that is.

    Imagine me there with you, massaging soothing unguents into your delicate size 8s when you come to.

    Please arrange with Felix to let us know how you're doing in case you're not in the mood to blog.

    Your hair smells fantastic.

    *air kisses*

    Hoping everything goes smoothly and thinking of you,

    Mistress MJ

  2. I am glad to have found you & I will try not to muss your hair when we hug.

  3. Good luck,
    hospitals tests and proceedures can all be scary having recent experience myself...

    Might i suggest that you take your own gown as hospital issue can be very unflattering. Though i do recall one evening, rousing applause coming from below as i "inadvertantly" flashed from the 10th floor window... My gown just "suddenly" dropped to the floor! how was i to know that the glass was see through from the outside and i was fully lit from inside?

    I send you my best wishes and Hugs that all goes well for you Mr Kabui...

  4. if you're doing what i think you're doing, the prep is the worst part. you'll be back and better than ever......

  5. Thank you all for your warm thoughts. I think the worst part was Candice singing on the clip NormaD sent. lovies