Missionary Man

I was born an original sinner.  I was born from original sin.  If I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done, there'd be a mountain of money piled up to my chin! (Eurythmics)  The man who told the World blog is two months old.  Huzzah!  Doesn't it seem like I have been here for ages?  That is the timeless gift of kabuki.  Yours free, just pay a small processing fee.  WITH YOUR BRAIN!!!  Old friends, new friends, a goddess, a nemesis WOW!.  13 followers, I am gobsmacked.  I could almost start a cult.  I am gonna need more kabuki wigs. Love, Love, Love, I want your Love (Lady Gaga).  What does she mean?  Todays' pop starts are so confusing.  Is kabuki one gyroscope dress and some star trek Borg accessories away  from fame as well?  Is this why Felix desires my west coast appearance?  Can Hollywood bus in enough clown white to keep kabuki resplendent?  So many questions.  I had a friend for many years who read the Tarot.  We had a falling out, but that is another story for another day.  When he would read the cards for me - he always said "You are in a state of upheaval.  You are going through changes".   (Ladies - not the change - please don't make me do the 'helicopter' for you.  The men will explain it to you.  Ask one now.)  I figure I have spent 4 decades of upheaval and change.  It is enough to make one upheaval one's lunch.  By the way - tarot reading - nice gig - "major arcana, time of change, things are murky".  Can you read tarot in a feng-shui'ed room while burning buddist incense and sitting on a mission-style futon?  You would think the room would spin.  So many paths to choose.  What if the misssion-style futon threw my reading off.  Suppose the great powers accidentally ended up in Frank Lloyd Wright's home.  How do we know that he never wore a kabuki wig?  Or a blue velvet catsuit?  People - we are making breakthroughs here.  Is it possible that I have influenced the past?  We know I'm all over the future.  The present is murky.  HA!  Psuedo-spiritual humor.  Nobody else is doing it. 
Anyways, thanks for playing along.  What will the future hold for kabuki?  Who the fuck knows?  And will kabuki  be happy?  Who the fuck cares?  Why you do, of course.  And that makes my whole day brighter.  Thanks. A lot.  Really.


  1. quit it. you are scaring the children

  2. kabuki zero
    pseudo-spiritual humor
    leaves me oh so gaga

  3. Who the fuck cares?

    I do.

    So much so that I have purchased a million shares in Ben Nye Clown white MagiCake foundation.

  4. Happy Blogiversary!

    Did you ever think you’d be doing something that entailed the use of the word blogiversary? If so, you probably wouldn’t have started. But I’m so glad you did.

    13 followers? A lucky number. I’m sure there are lurkers out there too, hanging on your every word yet fearful of jumping into the kabukiland experience. Newbies afraid, perhaps, of having a bad trip yet craving the high.

    I remember as if it were yesterday (insert dream sequence music here) the day I spotted a comment from you on Felix’s blog and asked if we could hear more from his enchanting friend.

    Now let’s skip to the future (insert theremin music here).

    I am doing a reading for you right now with my Magic Eight Ball.

    “Reply hazy, try again”

    *shakes it and tries again*

    Anyway, I’ve just been to Times Square where they’re hawking “I heart kabuki” t-shirts. I realize this isn’t the Marc Jacobs runway debut you dreamed of for the propagation of your image but it’s the thought that counts. Isn’t it?

    Well I should wrap this up as I’m taking up valuable comment box space.

    Send me a kabuki wig pronto! In every colour!

  5. Quick! Perform the Heimlich Maneuver on XL.

    He appears to be gagging!

    Mistress MJ does not have a gag reflex.

  6. There's no purple Kool-Aid involved in the Cult of kabuki, is there?

  7. BRAVO!!! BRAVO!!! *clapping furiously*

  8. I the fuck care!
    I hang on your every word.
    I it indelicate to ask what a Mission-Style futon?

  9. A futon frame with supposedly 'mission styling and lines". It was a sofa, a bed, and a mistake. It was comfortable as neither, all furniture selections are not home runs. That's why I change up every so often. I'm still holding back a Lois XIV ormulu rococo nightmare of a den, and a Biedermeier bedroom.

  10. kabuki does Not do kool-aid. it stains terribly, and it is full of sugar. kabuki prefers iced tea, hot cocoa, and lately kabuki has been jonesing for a frosty champagne flute. although i can kick back with a root beer occasionally, most sodas make me burpy.

  11. "I could almost start a cult. I am gonna need more kabuki wigs."


    Love The Blog!

  12. There's a rumour about a chain of kabuki restaurants.

    Is it true?

  13. If it is true, I wouldn't order off the kiddies menu if I were you.

  14. Yes, this is all so new and beautiful. Except for that incessant whining. Oh Felix, didn't see you come in. Try the buffet.

  15. What on earth is that wretched odor?
    Thanks, but I'm reducing.