Wednesday

The Goddess of beauty & love - and Venus was her name

Mr. Peenee and MJ have opened my eyes to a conspiracy of the darkest and most foul nature.  I probably knew deep inside, but it is my nature to always see the best in people.  Felix will back me up on this.  I really am a people person.  That is why I am alone.  It allows me to share with everyone and not just a select few.  I am sure if we knew who they were  (my adoring fans) they would show their appreciation.  On to the conspiracy then, shall we?
As you well know I have been subject to any number of medical tests recently, with more to follow.  I am sure half of them are fake.  The Doctor says " We need to check your hemogremlin and your humogoblin count.  Fast for 36 hours and then go to the diagnostic center."  They take lots of your blood (23 vials) and that is the end of that.  The next time you see the Doctor you may ask "How are my humobuttons?"  "All your test results are nominal" they reply.   They did not test squat.  This is blood letting pure and simple.  The vials of blood are thrown into the ocean, rising sea levels dramatically. (that is because even kabuki's blood is dramatic.)  Medical science is still in the dark ages.  Do you know why you cannot see or hear inside a MRI machine?  It is because they are playing parcheesi.  And laughing behind our backs.  Any way, I have become more pro-active regarding my health care.  That is how I came  to know about the conspiracy. (thought i forgot, didn't you?)  The medical community is trying to discover kabuki's beauty secrets.  They are prepared to go to great lengths in this endeavor.  Proof, you ask?  Later this month kabuki will have an endoscopy and colonoscopy AT THE SAME TIME.  Cameras will be inserted from both ends, they will meet in the middle, and the whole thing is going straight to DVD in 3-D, no less.  Not content to poke and pry kabuki's exterior - their nefarious quest for my beauty secrets shall venture into my nether regions.  There is only one way to stop the madness.  I will tell my beauty secrets to the world.  Once everyone knows - the medical community will be foiled.  Once again kabuki heads off disaster by giving.  Feel free to sob at my magnanimity, i may join you later.  A good cry is so cathartic.  We begin.
It was 1986.  kabuki was poolside at a Residence Inn in Lincoln, Nebraska.  There were two other people at the pool.  A young mother resting on a lounge chair in a one-piece bathing suit, and her young daughter frolicking in the pool.  The girl was approximately 7 or 8 years old.  She was in the middle of the shallow end of the pool, and probably in the same place in the gene pool (ha ha!).  The little girl would jump up spin around and delcare "I am the prettiest ballerina in the world!".  Everytime she said this her mother would reply "Yes you are dear".  It went on for hours, young girls have no sense of decorum.  By now it was getting cloudy out.  I was going to leave when a voice inside my head said "You should be 'the prettiest ballerina in the world'  She has no business wearing that crown."  The clouds parted as a sunbeam liked to knock me senseless.  I understood at once.  I was granted permission to be 'the prettiest ballerina in the world' by no less than 'the prettiest ballerin in the heavens'. 
It is a test of one's character to have greatness thrust upon them.  Their reaction can range from most sublime to tedious.  I decided that the young girl could also be 'the prettiest ballerina in the world'.  And now so can you.  As you desire.  No one can steal something you have already given away.

8 comments:

  1. *makes popcorn and takes front row seat to watch DVD*

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  2. And will there be an intermission?

    I have a small bladder.

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  3. In years to come, I'm sure I will look back on this information, on this day, as the blog post that changed my life.

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  4. So, as you held the Prettiest Ballerina's head underwater, did you ever dream you would be typing the word "colonoscopy" one day?

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  5. I thnk that is a lovely post with beautiful sentiment... I am going to re-think my mantra.

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  6. Darling, where ARE you?

    Are they filming as we speak?

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  7. when those two cameras do their "meet and greet" and klink will you have the most extraordinary of orgasms?

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  8. Your presence is requested chez Felix for tea and scones IF you're finished buttering your buns.

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