2010 - kabuki wraps it up

mens and ladies, welcome to the year as i saw it, which is pretty much how it happenend.  yes folks, not too many hallucinations this year (damn), there's always next year. stayed somewhere awful, lost my home, now live somewhere horrible.  from super-megastar to scullery maid to a dispassionate cook - it should happen to a dog.  no, really - they are horrible with kitchen cleanup.  i read it somewhere.  my internet access went kablooey, then a small desktop pc accident, finally wrapping up with a netbook failure.  anybody wanna borrow my lucky penny?  kabuki remained bitter yet depressed thru this period, although there were brief moments when my hair looked fantastic.  life's little miracles, huh.  finally - it happened.  kabuki got her fibromyalgia disability case settled with the big ole gov't (watch out insurance company - you are next).  while most of the 8 years of non-work will not be retro-actively paid there will still be enough money to relocate to a warmer, drier climate.  kabuki is in the process of making preparations.  it will be an exciting year for all of us, because kabuki is sure to see wonders, and probably make up some shit as well.  what - like you're gonna stop me.  come on and bring it.  kabuki is like the cool breeze, here then gone.  like the mist coming off the lake.  unless that lake smells like dead fish, because kabuki would not feature that aroma.  like a lotta things, yes kabuki is like that.  many layers, subtle harmonies, a melody you can't quite remember.

This year came and went so badly, it was hard to find pleasure.  but here are some things i favored:
cooking outdoors.  silk pajamas.  godiva dark chocolate.  pot roast w/ winter vegetables.  hot air balloons (viewed from the ground.  kabuki gets vertigo BIG TIME) watching jewelry auction television.  hot bubble baths with a good comic book. listening to my parrot, who mostly speaks when i am in another room.  old friends.  finding out an old flame is still alive - and looking like hell.  really nice bed linens.  and getting my very own blog, happy one year anniversary to the man who told the world.  one day soon i will post the picture that inspired the title.  kabuki is back on the path, and you are gonna get to come along.  even though not one person gave me candy or flowers all year.  bastards.  but this is a time of celebration.  revenge is best served with a side of kabuki.

Here is my latest obsession, viewed via http://www.hulu.com/
The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers is a web series about two groups of rival dancers: heroes (The League of Extraordinary Dancers) and villains (The Alliance of the Dark) who discover they have superpowers through their dance abilities The entire story takes place over hundreds of years, beginning in the 1920s up to the year 3000.

Eye candy, ear candy, head candy.  If i could do anything at all - i would want to be smack in the middle of this production.  please give it a look.  how often does kabuki beg?  you don't want kabuki to re-enact scenes on your front lawn.  or maybe you do - you are a litlle freaky.  anyway - kabuki is back, kabuki is primed, and kabuki is happy.  what can you make from that?

The importance of good dental care.

Happy Holidays to all my internet mystery guests.  Having successfully chewed thru my restraints kabuki is once again free to mingle with the peasants.  And you as well, surely you knew I was speaking of them.  And they know who they are.  bastards!  keep kabuki off the internet?  kabuki will make wikileaks look like a pancake social.  kabuki knows things, trust me on this.  also, kabuki has no problem making things up.  before you know it - down will be up, kabuki's megastar status will be recognized, and i shall continue to place my size 7 foot againt the asses of the wrong-doers. rest assured my lovelies, it was one hard-ass fight, but kabuki prevailed. i have regained my independence, and am heading west as soon as possible.  How exiciting.  for me.  and what lessons may be learned as i travel across this great land.  by others, i am thru learning.  but not thru teaching, as i have a gift. for mankind. it is the kabuki way, and i shall delight in sharing it with you so very soon,  beacuse as you may have noticed AS I SAY IT LOUD - I AM BACK AND I AM PROUD.                        much love for now and ever - kabuki zero

Matters of Pertinance

Food. let's discuss. me first. pudding is disgusting. kabuki had a roommate that made pudding constantly. icky bowls of gelatinous sludge adorned kabuki's fridge. he (who shall remain nameless) would wait until the pudding skinned over before consuming. he (the nameless one) would treat the congealed outer surface like a 'pudding rollup'. kabuki felt it was a pudding scab. strangely enough, kabuki adores the occasional custard. and there you are.
Halloween. again, me first. many of you are consumed with angst, what is driving these tremors and facial tics you ask? you await this year's halloween chic. all things aquatic my lovelies. flounder, sea horse, anenome, let your mind wander. on the planet green network (a completely gay nat geo clone) they have been showing the sea shows on constant rotation. their programming manager Suzie B. has even been showing glimpses of next season at her beach house. Yes people, Suzie shows sea shows at the sea shore. (stop me!) kabuki has selected her costume after watching one of the above mentioned water programs. there exists a species of octopus which navigates through the briny deep by waving its flippers, which are located where its ears should be (if octopi had ears). it is even featured on a commercial. it is creepy and beautiful at the same time. (haunting) perfect for kabuki's megastar profile. kabuki even figured out the mechanics of the working ear flaps for the costume. anybody disturbed yet?

Entertainment. me again. everybody with ears (brilliant segue-way bukes!) should give a listen to The Lisp's monthly playlists. both january and june 2010 made me yearn for an additional sensory organ, and kabuki does not say that everyday, believe you me.  another show on planet green network 'the beekman boys' was briefly viewed by myself. can anyone guess which beekman boy kabuki would drown in their very own farmhouse sink? ick ick ick

Lifestyle. kabuki firmly believes everyone should have one. if you are lacking either life or style - please get with the program. you are ruining it for everyone. kabuki gives loving criticism only when awake, so some poor souls miss out. that is why from time to time kabuki will give general guidelines for living (tips for happiness) here in this blog. because you get what you pay for. sometimes. and that is just the best anybody could hope for. that, and falling down donald trump's stairs. cause that bitch would be carrying kabuki's handbag. until kabuki fired him. kissey bye byes - kabuki zero

Mrs Lunch Lady, my entree threw-up on my potato.

The mega-star known as kabuki is visiting friends in maryland and kabuki has taken over the laptop while the ladies prepare lunch.  It harkens kabuki back to the days of kabuki's youth, when lunch lady had a completely different meaning entirely.  Oh the grey-haired hairnetted providers of nutrious and wholesoome fare.  Or not.  My high school cafteria has a machine similar to wendy's frosty machine.  That place made a fortune of those little frozen chocolate num-nums.  I still want a frosty machine in my bedroom, although it is probably too hot in there for it to work properly.  POW! Theres' one for you.  As you can tell from the attached photo - kabuki is waving from the buduoir.  What a lovely collection of stuff, as you can see, kabuki is still arranging the various and assorted items that make up bedroom madness.  Those of you with sparse yet elegant bedrooms can bite kabuki's lovely white ass.  And don't say hoarder, because it is simply untrue.  Most of the items I have are lovely gifts for you, and others like you who may show up at my door at any time.  See - thoughtful to a fault.  I give and give, because kabuki is a giver.  And now I must dash - dinner is hot off the grill,  just wanted a more upbeat blog.  Be well, and know that you are much loved.  kabuki byebye

The blues is the new black

kabuki visits the dark side

kabuki knows love does not exist, at least for kabuki. half my life wasted on chasing love, the other half wasted on waiting to be chased. kabuki would gladly trade 'love' for a nice ham sandwich. kabuki knows that heaven does not exist, at least for kabuki. kabuki's near death experiences brought no white light, no inner peace, no loved ones waving. it was just the end. like turning off a light. kabuki knows doing right because it is the right thing to do is bullshit. Over and over examples of people doing wrong and succeeding are proof enough (madoff, hitler, blood diamond merchants). karma is nonsense. kabuki does not believe people are basically good. there may have been a time when this was true - but not in kabuki's lifetime. kabuki does not believe that honesty is the best policy. there are so few honest people in kabuki's life experience. and as for the meek inheriting the earth - by the time the non-meek are done with it it won't be worth a damn. kabuki envisions a radio-active cinder. enjoy.

THISJUST IN;

kabuki has apparently bitch-slapped kabuki's face for being such a downer.  Way to suck all the air out of a room buki - nice job. At this time kabuki would like a box of Godiva chocolates and a glass of champagne.  Or a glass of merlot and a pot-brownie.  And to humbly apologize for being such a weenie. Now lets all put on a fez, and party like its 1999.  I promise to be back soon,and happier then ever.  Even if it means kabuki has to cut a bitch (or two).  All in a day's work for a mega-star.  much lovies - kabuki zero      

Zero News Alert: MAN BITES GOD !

Kabuki begs forgiveness for the unavoidable absence. Few people know that kauki was raised in spanish harlem. It was a sad childhood, wandering the streets in a tattered kimono, wearing the same kabuki wig for days at a time. While this did serve to steel kabuki's ambition to become a superstar, it was a long and winding road. Makes me want to sing, as many people know kabuki has a lovely singing voice.

Once megastardom was thrust kabukis' way it became time to put away such foolish notions like singiing for fun. God forbid some tabloid publish my unique vocalizations of some familiar tune. Next thing you know everybody's singing my version of 'Scary Monsters'. Trust me when I say David Bowie does not need this type of aggravation. So anyway, like I was saying, it occurs to me that very soon(as in very soon) kabuki
will join the public and regain the coveted DSL access to the webbernet. It may only be days before I can bug you peopleona MUCH more frequent basis. This is only one of the exciting things kabuki is planning. If you have anything important to do, now is the time. Don't blame me if you miss your own wedding because you are glued to the computer screen. I gave you plenty of time off this summer, so no whining. But currently I must dash, so until next time, when we will discuss the member of out blog community who is secretly the heir-apparent to the Vespa scooter fortune, kabuki bids adieu

Is it time to calibrate kabuki's imagination?

kabuki was daydreaming, waiting for sleep to come. kabuki had moved west. kabuki was helping the local theatre by working as a wardrobe stylist - but only part-time. kabuki knew that to show up all the time would only result in some nincompoop hitting kabuki with the white-hot spotlight. Then kabuki would wax philosophically whether it was reasonable to trains wildebeests to use a littler box. Kabuki was going to have them hunt for and ingest tanzanite, which kabuki would sell in front on WalMart. (tanzanite girls say "hey") You see kabuki would realize the intestinal juices of the wildebeest would only heighten the beauty of the tri-chroic gemstone. Then kabuki would stop, walk off the stage, and slap the playwright into the fall season.

"Sheesh", kabuki said while departing, "Who writes this crap?"