LEAPIN' LORDS !

This is my Christmas card for 2009.  Unfortunately my holidays were ruined, and I was unable to post it to my many loved ones (three).  As part of my green christmas pact I printed this on postcard stock.   Stick it on the fridge.  If kabuki won't keep you from snacking, last year's tree certainly should.  How gauche.  This year I used the same tree (green christmas - remember) but I used mostly silver balls(matte, gloss etc)  with silver beadchain for garland and white lights.  Just a few small balls in shades of purple to honor my dear mother.  So don't start, and that leopard print fur jacket screams holiday.  Well it screams.  How many of you matched your wig to your christmas balls (look at tree).  Isn't it funny there is never a Jehovahs' Witness knocking at the door when you are primed?  I would have showed them heaven, by cracky!

I go on.  I was destailing my latest film idea to Felix.  I know he won't steal my ideas - because I would fill his lingerie drawer with scorpions.  Nothing says pissed like a drawer full of scorpions.  A basket of snakes is cute - albeit a tad overdone. I go on.  A young man runs away from home.  To punish his parents he decides to become a devil worshipper.  While headed to the local satanic-devil worshipping niteclub he makes a wrong turn and ends up in a drag bar.  The drag mother tells him that devil worship is nice but if he wants to twist his parents' nipples he should consider putting on a dress.  You can bet he does, and a legend is born.  Working title 'HAIL SATIN'.  Are you smellin what I'm cookin?  I go on.  Is hollwood ready for the creative beacon that is me?  Of course not - true genius is rarely recognised in its own time.  And that is why I am planning on living forever.  Eternal life - once again on my christmas list - once again denied.  If you are not going to get what you ask for you might as well shoot the moon.  I am sure you agree.  My relatives wouldn't even know where to shop to get me something nice.  My very dear lesbian friend asked me 'Just how many cashmere sweaters do you need?  I was not expecting a pop quiz so I was not prepared.  Certainly more than she has, because that would be none.  I go on.  In a thrift store in Virginia the cashier rung up my purchase - a steel blue v-neck cashmere sweater made in scotland.  It was $5.00 and she stage whispered to me that I could get a brand new sweater at Old Navy for about the same price.  I told her the sweater in my hand (green shopping) was certainly a couple of hundred dollars new.  She told me she did not own a couple of hundred dollars worth of clothes.  Like it was a good thing.  I almost cried the entire way home, but instead I just clutched my prize to my bosom.  And that is what Christmas means to me.  I think.  So in the full spirit of giving, I go on no more lest one of us gets a headache.

Spiritually bosom clutching - kabuki